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[challenge entry] Something from the archives
The Battenberg Trebuchet was developed in 1312 as a means of besieging heretics who refused to accept the Treatise of Nyom-de-Lyons. It didn't become obsolete until the introduction of gunpowder. Several attempts were made to produce a battering ram based on the Battenberg cake, but designers failed to agree on a suitable punny name (Batterberg? Battening Ram?). It did, however, lead to the development of an impact-resistant marzipan which is in use to this day in body armour.


The Muffin Onager is considered one of the oldest and most versatile cake-based siege weapons in the world. Capable of propelling muffins, cupcakes and even fairy cakes several hundred metres, this weapon caused devastating crumb-based injuries. It was theorised that a slightly overbaked blueberry muffin could penetrate a wooden stockade wall at 100 metres.


The Swiss Roll Ballista (the 'Rollista Helvetica') was developed by the Romans just prior to the Siege of Alesia in 52BC. It was reknowned for durability and tolerance, capable of shooting vanilla, raspberry and chocolate swiss rolls of varying quality, from Tesco Value up to Sainsburys 'Taste the difference'. However, siege engineers had a saying : 'Kipling Detesta Matribus' ('Mr. Kipling is the dread of mothers'). Even today in some parts of France the Swiss Roll is shunned.


From the Food Weapons challenge. See all 83 entries (closed)

(, Tue 28 May 2019, 19:48, archived)
# I now want to die
shot in the face with a Tesco value chocolate roll shot out of a ballista..
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:11, archived)
# tl;dr
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:36, archived)
#
[Comment Removed]
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:49, archived)
# +0fucks
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:54, archived)
# sooo edgy
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:57, archived)
# The 2nd one looks 'shopped'
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:49, archived)
# Don't be daft, they didn't have photoshop back in those days
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 21:43, archived)
# Uh, yeah, I suppose you're right!
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 23:12, archived)
# [Citation needed]
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 20:53, archived)
# mmm, cayke
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 21:37, archived)
# :)
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 21:59, archived)
# Epic stuff!
:)
(, Tue 28 May 2019, 22:38, archived)
[challenge entry] Seems as good a place as any to post this..

(, Wed 29 May 2019, 0:14, archived)
# If they made that today it would be rather light in content
(, Wed 29 May 2019, 1:28, archived)
# Impressive use of siege weapons and baked goods.
*click*
(, Wed 29 May 2019, 20:31, archived)
[challenge entry] Pearoast

(, Sat 1 Jun 2019, 18:30, archived)