Tesco doctorOne day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,
My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!'
' Listen; don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies.
There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid. ...a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points'. So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits Five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in
two weeks'.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The
computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get
better....Thank you for shopping at Tesco
(,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:34,
archived)
My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!'
' Listen; don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies.
There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid. ...a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points'. So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He deposits Five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in
two weeks'.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and 'pleasured himself' into the mixture for good measure.
Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He
deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The
computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
get
better....Thank you for shopping at Tesco
oldand i dont get it this time either
wait: now ive read it its a bit better
on the old version he put tapwater into the machine the second time, no wonder it was so stupidly bad
(wait: now ive read it its a bit better
on the old version he put tapwater into the machine the second time, no wonder it was so stupidly bad
CactusEater,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:35,
archived)
haahahI want to *cleek* "I like this"
damn it!!!
(damn it!!!
discomeats This canoe,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:38,
archived)
This is a test.(Sorry folks, Curis twatted about with my password and name so I just wanted to check it was back to normal).
(
CaroWallis,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:47,
archived)
it doesn`t work when people set the minimum font size...:p
(
Reckless_Rik,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:54,
archived)
FunnyBut wheres the pic?
(
MarkyH feels like the H in Bob Hoskins' name,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:36,
archived)
Yay for relentless beatings!
MarkyH feels like the H in Bob Hoskins' name,
Sat 25 Nov 2006, 22:42,
archived)
