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# i stabbed my smoke alarm with a butterknife after it went off at 4 in the morning and i couldn't stop it
the fireman came in on his annual inspection and i explained the story

he smiled and said he wouldn't replace it

i thanked him and he went on his way

now i need to make sure i don't start fires in my sleep
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:17, archived)
# i should mention here that i am a diagnosed narcolarsonist
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:19, archived)
# the fireman totally knew this but i'm pretty sure i won't burn myself to the ground
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:21, archived)
# keep your bed constantly doused with water
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:23, archived)
# Put a moat around the bed
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:25, archived)
# put a fence around the moat
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:26, archived)
# KILL THE FIREMAN
PROBLEM: SOLVED
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:27, archived)
# with fire.
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
# and claim for it
on expenses
(MrChimp previously Monsieur, Mon 18 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
# hey does anyone here have any advice on beards?
I have a four week old one and i need to stop the whole "flavour saver" effect. I'm not interested in a chinstrap.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:26, archived)
# Shave your head, trim beard into goatee
It's traditional.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
# laminate it
that way you can just wipe it with a damp cloth for easy cleaning
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
# You draw cartoons of chickens and cows in your sleep?
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:28, archived)