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#
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:14, archived)
# i stabbed my smoke alarm with a butterknife after it went off at 4 in the morning and i couldn't stop it
the fireman came in on his annual inspection and i explained the story

he smiled and said he wouldn't replace it

i thanked him and he went on his way

now i need to make sure i don't start fires in my sleep
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:17, archived)
# i should mention here that i am a diagnosed narcolarsonist
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:19, archived)
# the fireman totally knew this but i'm pretty sure i won't burn myself to the ground
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:21, archived)
# keep your bed constantly doused with water
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:23, archived)
# Put a moat around the bed
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:25, archived)
# put a fence around the moat
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:26, archived)
# KILL THE FIREMAN
PROBLEM: SOLVED
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:27, archived)
# with fire.
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
# and claim for it
on expenses
(MrChimp previously Monsieur, Mon 18 May 2009, 23:29, archived)
# hey does anyone here have any advice on beards?
I have a four week old one and i need to stop the whole "flavour saver" effect. I'm not interested in a chinstrap.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:26, archived)
# Shave your head, trim beard into goatee
It's traditional.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
# laminate it
that way you can just wipe it with a damp cloth for easy cleaning
(I helped save b3ta! Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Mon 18 May 2009, 18:29, archived)
# You draw cartoons of chickens and cows in your sleep?
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:28, archived)
# hehehe
I saw the shittiest anti smoking ad on a pack of cigs today, it said "Smoking ages the skin"
(I helped save b3ta! Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:17, archived)
# i used to work with the australian mouth cancer lady
it was all photoshopped, she was actually quite pretty considering her age
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:20, archived)
# EXCEPT FOR THE MOUTHCANCER LOLOLOLOLOLOL
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:22, archived)
# I saw a stripper using her cunt to smoke with, she blew smoke rings
(I helped save b3ta! Duke Otterby you pre-verts, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:25, archived)
# fuck that...
...too much work... *inhales*.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:18, archived)
# Er, everything seems to be in order here
*Okays for mass production*
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:25, archived)
# :D excellent
(I helped save b3ta! Rebel biscuit stercore sumus et nos esse novimus, Mon 18 May 2009, 18:35, archived)
# waaahaaaaaaa!!
I love this :D
(I helped save b3ta! cakeburglar still bored with Freebase, Mon 18 May 2009, 19:10, archived)