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# Not in the back though, that's too good for him
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:11, archived)
# In the face
where we'll all appreciate it more.
(I helped save b3ta! M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:12, archived)
# When you're done with the mop, sir...
;-)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:12, archived)
# Ah, the pissage.
Great minds think alike, or fools never differ. Which one is correct?
(I helped save b3ta! M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:14, archived)
# Let's go with the first.
Fun to pretend, anyhow.

;-)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
# Oh, definitely the face*
*to start with, anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:12, archived)
# start by cutting between his toes
and push all the way back to the heel, so his feet are like torn cheese strings.
Tornaquet the ankles and then have a cup of tea before starting on the shins, slice downward, until the bone is showing and then lop off each kneecap.
For the thighs....
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:13, archived)
# I like the old Iraqi way of using split bamboo to whip people with
so that it pinches the skin when you rip it back for another whack.
(I helped save b3ta! M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
# you've got to admire such thought and artistry
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
# Bloody Hell, Toasty!
What's going on in that head of yours?

*fears*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:15, archived)
# would you like diagrams?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:16, archived)
# Noooooooooooo!
:D

In fairness, I approve of any Oliver Dismemberment Activity. It can only be a good thing.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:17, archived)
# right then
for the thighs, start by tenderising with the handle of the knife before stabbing furiously in to the flesh. when there are enough slits sprinkle with salt and oregano and then bind with cheesewire.
Stop for another cup of tea and perhaps a biscuit.

(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:20, archived)
# Arf!
I was going to mention salt.

I like the cut of your jib, sir!
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:23, archived)
# but the ears you shall keep!
Oh.. wait...
(I helped save b3ta! arrangedletters, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:24, archived)
# :D
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:35, archived)
# Better than my cured ham idea.
How about the...meatstick?
(I helped save b3ta! ClanSoul, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:26, archived)
# Slice the thighs thinly like ham and cure it, feed it to him in a sandwich.
(I helped save b3ta! ClanSoul, Fri 22 May 2009, 15:20, archived)