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# I've been teaching myself how to kill.
So far, I've been grossly inefficient.

What a sodding mess.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:25, archived)
# !!!!
Practice makes.... well it still makes a mess but you get used to it.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:27, archived)
# heheheheh.
Worth a look.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:39, archived)
# I WILL KILL AGAIN
(I helped save b3ta! FIEND, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:39, archived)
# I find it helps to try out a few techniques on yourself first to see which is the most effective.
You'll get it in no time!
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:40, archived)
# Again, what a mess.
And pitiful results.
And fuck me, I'm starving.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:45, archived)
# might i suggest
sausage and egg on toast?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:47, archived)
# Good idea.
Kill that, then move on to bigger targets later.

Still hungry, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:52, archived)
# i have an unholy craving for quavers
but i have none. i shall have a piece of toast instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:55, archived)
# Semiquavers might be the answer.
Cos you type like a fat lass.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 1:57, archived)
# hahaha!
i was very fat, but now i've lost 15 stones
*smugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:01, archived)
#
*falls in luv for no good reason*
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:02, archived)
# you need no reason
i am AWESOME
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:06, archived)
# Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.
Gents, it's a free-for-all.

Go on.

(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:12, archived)
# the gents are few and far between right now
nobody likes a ton of loose skin :(
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:14, archived)
# Is it loose enought that I could tie myself up in ya
if so I'll hop on the train first thing!
;)
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:18, archived)
# you probably could!
if i pin my arms to my sides, i could fucking glide!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:20, archived)
# flying squirrel wi
/ac
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:24, archived)
# pff
i get a free tummy tuck sometime this year, which is nice
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:26, archived)
# I'd love to be a flying squirrel for a day
Or a pterodactyl. That way I could have a day of flying AND a day of being a dinosaur rolled into one.

Just one of many fantastic days out I wish I could have. Others include taking a tiger for a walk on a lead, and riding on the back of a bear through a woods.
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:26, archived)
# i've ridden an elephant
and had a python around my neck and had a tarantula on my shoulder, but it was my tarantula, but that doesn't really count. i'd like to be a megalodon for a day.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:31, archived)
# All of those sound awesome
(Pavlov'sDog is all out of pavlova, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:38, archived)
# hey, I'm an epic car-crash too.
Not much comfort there, but hey ho.

I've been bald since the age of 22, btw
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:24, archived)
# bald can be very distinguished
as long as the hair doesn't migrate to your back
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:27, archived)
# Oh.
Oh dear.

Guess what?

Yep.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:38, archived)
# hahaha!
oh well, you could always wax!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:40, archived)
# Shitting Christ, 15 stone!
was it intentional?
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:05, archived)
# yep
gastric bypass. i was ill for years, housebound most of the time, so i just got bigger and bigger. when i almost hit 30 stones, i thought "fuck this, i'm doing something about it" so i did.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:07, archived)
# Well done then there
That's quite a bloody achivement,if I tried that I'd be minus 3 1/2 stone.
I don't wanna weigh that until they launch my corpse into space.
Edit: does that mean you have to get a job now? if so :(
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:10, archived)
# no, i'm still unemployable!
i've had over £1,000,000 worth of surgery over the years, but i'm still not finished. one day, all my bits will be working! :D
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:13, archived)
# Yay for not working
and also working bits!
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:15, archived)
# not working can be great
but you do feel a bit useless at times. i've never even signed on the dole, i've been on the sick since i was 16, which is a pisser.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:18, archived)
# I'd be so fucking busy if I wasn't working
I'd have time for procrastination and getting my various projects completed and I'd also get to spend a lot more time wtih my girfriend and baby girl.
I'd probably feel less useless than I do whilst I'm pissing away 8 hours a day doing something I'm thoroughly fed up with.
Do you have any hobbies?
I'd be stitching, gaming, knitting and baking all the time.
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:22, archived)
# i do knit a lot
just finished a king sized blanket for my bed. i love reading and i'm a HUGE film fanatic
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:25, archived)
# Huge films eh?
This one's for you.
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:30, archived)
# pff!
no zombies!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:32, archived)
# Gotta love them Zombies.
anyhoo, bedtime I reacon.
Gnite.
(-_-) z z Z
(Cakie Rose from the dead on, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:36, archived)
# they are awesome, aren't they?
g'night!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:41, archived)
# Jobs are shit.
Please remember that.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:17, archived)
# i try
it's easy when my sister moans how tired she is after a hard day's work
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:19, archived)
# She's right.
Jobs are shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:27, archived)
# i'd like a job that involves lots of sex
or power.
or both.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:30, archived)
# Try prostitution.
Y'never know.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:45, archived)
# Great work with that :)
I've lost 14 stone in the last 19 months
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:20, archived)
# are chairs less comfy?
i find sitting down isn't the pleasure it used to be. also, i can feel my hips when i lie down, it interferes with my sleep!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:21, archived)
# I'm ok
I have muscles where there used to be just fat
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:25, archived)
# i'd like to build up a bit of muscle
but i'm still not allowed to do much :(
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:28, archived)
# I never listened to what the doctors told me
If I did I'd still be pretty much bedridden and off my head on painkillers because treating me is not cost effective compared to letting me live in agony most days.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:36, archived)
# doctors are cunts
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:39, archived)
# Yes, yes they are
I can officially smug it up these days, because I lost all the weight they say was causing the problems with my spine. It wasn't that at all, they just didn't think I'd lose the weight to prove them wrong. Cunts
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Mon 4 Jan 2010, 2:46, archived)