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# There's pretty much nothing left now.
Jaguar's a joke.

Dunlop aircraft tyres get stuck between the teeth.

Pukka pies are a) a vile disgrace, and b) not even made here any more.

Depressing. Makes me want to tell a Scouser joke, if anyone's up for that.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:16, archived)
# Pfft!
I laugh of course because you only now realise you're a joke ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:22, archived)
# It's as if the world's suddenly turned upside-down.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:25, archived)
# Do it.
But be warned that there are Scousers everywhere and they all love Liverpool. Which begs the question, why don't they stay there?
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:34, archived)
# 96 Liverpool fans suddenly turn up at the Pearly Gates, all at once.
"Can we come in like, la'?"

St Peter sez: "Oh. There's quite a lot of you here all at once. Look, I'll nip upstairs and ask the boss about how we'll deal with this. Make yourselves comfortable, back in a minute."

A few minutes later, St Peter comes back downstairs, sandals a-flappin'.

"OK gents, the boss says tha - hang on a sec, where are the fucking gates?"
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:43, archived)
# Arf!
(Thought I'd get it in before the obligatory indignant Scouser)
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:52, archived)
# Hillsborough joke?
Topical AND tasteful there.
(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 0:52, archived)
# Yep.
After 13/18/27/whatever years, it's time.

For heavens' sake, IVV, allow me to let rip on someone sometimes.

You accused me of being Boris Johnson the last time I tried to get someone to make me tell that gag.

I told it to a Scouse girl in a pub a couple of years ago. She waited right 'til the end, let me get through the entire thing, and then said: "My cousin died at Hillsborough."

I said: "Liar."

She said: "You didn't know that."

I said: "Yes I did."
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 1:00, archived)
# You told it to a Scouse girl?
That made me giggle. Did you pull?
(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 1:04, archived)
# She gave me a kiss at the end of the night.
But I admit to the disgraceful weakness of not being attracted to women five stone heavier than me.

Besides, she nicked my sodding watch.
(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 1:06, archived)
# LOL
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 1:14, archived)
# Does this mean you're not attracted to me?
:(((((((
(I helped save b3ta! in vino veritas, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 1:32, archived)
# There are so many ahead of me in the queue...
I wandered off and had a go at the coconut shy instead.

Still, I've won you a cuddly rabbit.

(I helped save b3ta! Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 1:46, archived)