.

We have recently taken delivery of the meats for the exterior meat cooking device.
Captain Hood-Butter and his good lady Shirley would like to take the opportunity to invite you to a summer Garden Party to be held in the grounds of our house in Cambridgeshire.
 This shall be an event to celebrate the official engagement of the captain and his filly prior to their marriage later in the year. It shall also be a celebration of ale, 
debauchery, and common speak.

There shall be live music and gramaphone recordings and guests shall be invited to take part in the choir to perform and record a new ditty.

Both gentleman and ladies will be welcomed in equal measure. Applications submitted here shall be scrutinised to eliminate the riff raff, tittle-tattles and ner-do-wells.

A contraption has been erected in the upper garden for the cooking of various meats to be accompanied by fresh produce of the finest order. There will also be a distinctly large vessel containing a spicy stew of 
Indian origin containing chickens and another similar with just vegetables.
There shall be copious quantities of ales and other tipples for your imbibing pleasure.

Guests wishing to take residence until the Sunday morning may do so. Guests have a choice of the summer room floor, the downstairs lounge floor or should you wish, 
you may bring portable canvass pavillions to be erected in the grounds. 

Guided tours will be available to join in the evening of the Saturday and on the morning of the Sunday. The excursion on the Saturday evening shall be to 
track and view the local foxes. Sorry but no shooting. The following morning, after a hearty breakfast a walk through the nature reserve to see the jolly 
friendly water buffalow. The farmer installed these beasts to keep down the vegetation in the wetlands and jolly nice they are too.
Those of rotund proportions or those too drunk from the previous night may remain in the house to be entertained by minstrals.
Guest who wish to take part should be aware the ground can be a tad muddy in parts so Barbours and Hunters or similar attire should be sported.


We can accomodate up to 12 automobiles on site and can provide alternative spaces just over in the farm. Should you wish to discuss the matter further you 
may telegraph me here. Our telephone number shall be issued to guests who may require help locating our house. It is optional attire although guests may prefer to dress appropriately. 
We are also proud to announce the opening of the new spanking parlour.

Good day to you.

PS here is your host posing for his new photographical portrait
PRESS HERE TO ACTIVATE

Should your travelling arrangements require you to procure a ticket for a railway carriage, 
please ask the conductor to make provisons to alight at Ely railway station. 
On your arrival one should communicate with us via the medium of a telephone conversation. 
We will then dispatch a horseless carriage to collect you and your luggage and return you to the railway station the following day.
 Should you not understand modern communication devices or require our telephone identification and connection number, 
you may contact us via this device and a reply shall be forthcomming. Good day to you.

STOP PRESS:
Band confirmed.
FOOD WILL BE..
Chinese BBQ - Chicken or veg
English BBQ - sossijizz - chicken
Indian (Indoors)Chicken Celon or Korma
Dare I say this, Salad table.
Vegi alternative ... some leaves.
Oh go on then, there is a vegan curry too and you can roast spuds in the BBQ oven. Oh and when you come indoors, sit by a fucking window.
Breakfast. Bacon, bacon, egg, beans, tomato, sossijizz (if any left)
Coffee bucket. Tea bin. Muffins, Crumpets (pfft), Toats
Oh and there's a 50' marquee in the shed but I can't be arsed to put it up. Maybe if it pisses down, and the forecast says not, see how it goes. Well I've got shitloads to do alright?
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 25 May 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Jolly excellent. I shall have my caterer prepare me a Travelling-Box for the journey.

( moohalaa, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Good fellow.

I shall instruct the staff of your arrival.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Totally spiffing chap!

I shall have my butler arrange me a seat on the relevant locomotive forthwith.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 28 May 2010, 18:57, Reply)

I trust you will be travelling 1st class sir.

We don't want any of the village folk thinking we should invite the kind of lower elements of society.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 1 Jun 2010, 19:11, Reply)

Naturally dear chap, naturally.

Can't be bunking down with the lower orders now, can we? What would life be coming to?

( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 3 Jun 2010, 17:20, Reply)

Marvellous

I shall be bringing a small portable pavilion, and my faithful manservant.

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 1 Jun 2010, 19:25, Reply)

Splendid.

I shall instruct the head gardener of your intentions.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 2 Jun 2010, 19:28, Reply)

i may attempt the journey on my vintage velocipede

the horseless carriage is in a terrible state of repair and may not survive the rigours of such a journey.

( amoebaboy chose for death by unga bunga on, Wed 2 Jun 2010, 1:14, Reply)

Damn it man, your British.

Pip pip.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Wed 2 Jun 2010, 19:29, Reply)

You'd better!

I love that stripey car :)

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 21:30, Reply)

Dear Sir

I would be delighted if you would avail yourself of my recently acquired motor car, or at least the passenger seat thereof. I shall ensure that Smithers will walk before us bearing a suitably coloured warning flag.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 8 Jun 2010, 1:50, Reply)

I would be delighted to attend this with my chaperone, who has now confirmed his availability above, and assuming my delicate constitution allows it I shall make the journey in the carriage of a railway engine.

I intend to bring a lightweight chambre de jardin wherein to sleep; I feel the rural night air may work wonders for my health.

( sleepybinky, Thu 3 Jun 2010, 16:03, Reply)

I have passed this on to the lady of the house who is delighted to hear you will be attending.

I also am very pleased and the protusion in my breaches only barely signifies my delight and has now become so tumescent, I shall have to engage the services of the maid.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Thu 3 Jun 2010, 20:00, Reply)

It seems it may be more efficacious, having researched the costs of locomotive travel, to trundle up in the motor car.

It will also be nice to be able to take the air when I please rather than be cooped up in one of those carriages, which are so restrictive and can be rather full of those cluttersome but delightful types.

( sleepybinky, Fri 4 Jun 2010, 8:42, Reply)

I'm afraid public transportation leaves me feeling somewhat unclean.

I once took it upon myself to visit a chum in the capital. I took a railway carriage which was most unpleasant as I had to share it with a commoner.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 6 Jun 2010, 8:21, Reply)

When one is unable to travel first-class by train, it is distinctly better to make one's way by automobile.

( sleepybinky, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)

I shall be dressed in my finest attire

Worthy of the internet tubes without a doubt.

( the secret thingy .. Thanks for that, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 22:57, Reply)

Oh certainly, spiffing sunday best with a hat at a jaunty angle for the picnic en plein air.

( sleepybinky, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 23:08, Reply)

Oh goodness, now, one is nervous of appearing as a rustic bumpkin. I do hope my dress is up to standard.

it's so hard to keep up with the city fashions, living so set back from the world.

( sleepybinky, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 17:23, Reply)

damn and blast, you infernal old coot

you've scheduled this box social of yours on the same weekend that i will be attending an outdoor music event. dashed unfortunate, what.

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 16 Jun 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Sir

I am writing to you to request your attendance at this most delectable of dates, upon which my good lady and I will be present and humbly request your attendance.

( the secret thingy .. Thanks for that, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 22:58, Reply)

srcrew lattitude, ebay the tickets

This is better

( the secret thingy .. Thanks for that, Thu 24 Jun 2010, 22:59, Reply)

While I appreciate your decision,

may I be so bold as to remind you of our modern water closit facilities which are furnished with a water flushing system. The queues for which are almost never more that two persons. Furthermore, you will not have to manouver yourself over thousands of fellow music lovers in order to do your toilets in a pit full of ponglogs. I should also remind you that the catering is free of charge and will be of substantial quantities. All prepared by hand by the chef, using only the finest local ingreedients. Furthermore there shall be a musical performance by my very own orchestra. Good day to you.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I shall endeavour to employ the use of the family airship for this days endeavours

this of course depends on the fortitude of that days wind.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 6:36, Reply)

This is splendid news sir.

I shall inform the blacksmith and have an anchoring turret errected in the upper field for your dirigible.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Mon 28 Jun 2010, 22:39, Reply)

that would be most pleasant as my place of employment has confirmed in the positive that I may take a day of leisure for this day

thus resulting in the day to be most positive.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 19:14, Reply)

I would be interested...

...how long does it take to cycle from Cambridge? Any suggested route?

( TheAlmightyBeev, Mon 5 Jul 2010, 18:12, Reply)

very quickly if the bike is pulled by a automobile.

or if you have sufficent numbers of servants but then in this day and age who does not as its that or the pits for most of them.

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)

Cambridge? I wouldn't start from there.

However, should you wish to, it's not that far.
Go up to the Quy roundabout past Cambridge Airport. and head towards Lode & Burwell. You will travel through Stow-cum-Quy, Swaffham Prior, Burwell and then you are in Fordham. After Burwell keep going in a straight line until you come to a roundabout. Keep straight ahead into Fordham. Turn right and almost immediate left (signposted Islham). That is Collins Hill. We are at the top of the hill. There will be signs. Gaz me for a phone number if you need it.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sun 11 Jul 2010, 8:14, Reply)