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This is a link post Tony Hawks is the comedian, he is NOT Tony Hawk, the skateboarder
Tony Hawks, of "Round Ireland with a Fridge", "Playing The Moldovans At Tennis" and "Making a Cup Of Tea For Everone in Belgium*" fame has a similar name to the famous skateboardist. This causes confusion for thick kids who continually write to him asking how to do ollies and kick flips, so he replies to them. For example:

"Dear Tony
U r teh uber seckzorz
U r sew good at skating
I rally just wan be lyke u
How much do u make in a centurysz?
from lil

Oh dear. And it started so well too. 'Dear Tony'. Splendid opening. Just kind of went downhill from there, didn't it?"

and

"hey tony!
I like tony hawks underground.I skate myself and i must say i cannot ollie.How is it done?Cheers for reading.
Samuel

Samuel,
I like the way you finish your mail. 'Cheers for Reading'. At last someone else who appreciates this much maligned town. Reading is a wonderful place with an excellent one way system, efficient libraries, and a number of fine grass verges. On top of that, it is well-served by the M4 motorway, so it has easy access to places which are much, much nicer.
Goodbye
TH"

*may have been a Mitchell and Webb sketch
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:20, Reply)
This is a normal post You should post that as a link in it's own right ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:23, Reply)
This is a normal post Shut it you
I've GC'd my first ever link :)

So are we going to Alton Towers or what?
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:25, Reply)
This is a normal post Yes, and we can do a tribute to the Cub Scouts from Jim'll Fix It on a rollercoaster
Only with beer and Jaffa Cakes.
 (I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:27, Reply)
This is a normal post Hooray!
Shall we go on a weekday so there are no brats there? I can get a day off (just for a change!)
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:30, Reply)
This is a normal post ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!!
ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!! ALTON TOWERS!!!
 (I helped save b3ta! lord turkey boy and the cleft of venus, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:07, Reply)
This is a normal post HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!!
HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!!
HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!!
HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!!
HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!!
HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!! HOORAY!!

This is why Mr t0ria won't go to Alton Towers with me- it turns me into a litle kid :)
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:11, Reply)
This is a normal post SHOUT!
WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT! WHAT? SHOUT!

Do I win?
 (Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:27, Reply)
This is a normal post DO YOU WANT TO COME TO ALTON TOWERS?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO ALTON TOWERS?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO ALTON TOWERS?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO ALTON TOWERS?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO ALTON TOWERS?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO ALTON TOWERS?
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:36, Reply)
This is a normal post Whaaaaaa?
Thorpe Park shuirley !
 (I helped save b3ta! awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:28, Reply)
This is a normal post isn't that Dahn Sarf?
I don't think we're allowed down there
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:29, Reply)
This is a normal post Full of Chavs and Gypsies down there

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:31, Reply)
This is a normal post o_O
true
 (I helped save b3ta! awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:41, Reply)
This is a normal post Oi - Watch it,
the pair of you.

;)
 (Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:31, Reply)
This is a normal post You're not a Southerner
you're a West Country-er. Hmmm.
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:54, Reply)
This is a normal post How's your whippet? ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:45, Reply)
This is a normal post In fine fettle

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:50, Reply)
This is a normal post d'ya loike daags?

(I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:50, Reply)
This is a normal post Hello *waves*
how's things?
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:52, Reply)
This is a normal post Hello!!
Busy. I'm trying to fit in lots of work so that I can have a free weekend. How was the Manc bash?
 (I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:56, Reply)
This is a normal post Quite quiet but fun
I wasn't even hungover the next day!
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:01, Reply)
This is a normal post No sending you home from work then
More importantly, no blue nun?
 (I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:08, Reply)
This is a normal post Well, a tad maybe
www.flickr.com/photos/21723343@N03/3334918569/in/pool-b3tabashes
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:13, Reply)
This is a normal post hahaha
random outdoors drinking blue nun. Quality.
 (I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:15, Reply)
This is a normal post What's that sample you mentioned?
I've been racking my brains trying to remember.
 (I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:07, Reply)
This is a normal post You had just downloaded a series
it was a (tv review?) show from the 90's. We watched the first five minutes of it, and there was a bit, with a sound on there that I said would work well as a sample. I can't remember the name of the show.
 (I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:13, Reply)
This is a normal post Magnum ?
Hawaii 5-0?

Kojak ...?
 (I helped save b3ta! awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:15, Reply)
This is a normal post ^ forget me im bored
that was teh 70's 80's
 (I helped save b3ta! awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:15, Reply)
This is a normal post sadly none of the above

(I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:20, Reply)
This is a normal post TV Offal?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:23, Reply)
This is a normal post I think that was it
there was a segment close to the beginning of it. They used a sound which was ripe for a sample.
 (I helped save b3ta! masakatsu best of all the burger meats, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:27, Reply)
This is a normal post Not the Hawking one?
Any clue? My head is mashed at the moment.
 (I helped save b3ta! Monty Propps, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:34, Reply)
This is a normal post Arf!
PLaying the Moldovans at Tennis is a very enjoyable read :D
 (I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:27, Reply)
This is a normal post I've not read that one
but I liked One Hit Wonderland
 (I helped save b3ta! t0ria has forgotten how this all works, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:29, Reply)
This is a normal post hehe most amusing
I must remember to ask him how to do an Ollie when i see him next
 (I helped save b3ta! awallafashagba Da da da da da Dah dah, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 15:27, Reply)
This is a normal post Love this.
"
Hi I'am sarah
I have been skating for about a year and the boys at the skate park think i am stupid and think i should be doing dancing or something what do you think?

Sarah,
I think they're right.
TH
 (I helped save b3ta! Zuowan, Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:16, Reply)
This is a normal post Ha ha!! I LOLLED!

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Fri 13 Mar 2009, 16:30, Reply)