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This is a link post Condensed Movies: The Karate Kid (2010) I made this!


Last night to the flicks, for a free preview screening (otherwise I would have given it a wide berth) of the Jackie Chan Karate Kid remake:

* It is, perhaps, the least accurately titled movie of all time, being, as it is, a film about Kung Fu

* Jackie Chan only gets involved in one fight, in which he beats up some kids. Way to go, Jackie!

* The movie completely forgets the story's heritage - it's as if the original Alan Bennett version, The Ecky Thump Kid, a dour northern kitchen sink drama first screened as a BBC Play For Today in 1978, never happened

So, we present, for the first time, the ACTUAL script of Bennett's original*, condensed down to exactly 558 words for today's easily-bored youth.

* May not be the actual script
 (I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 8:51, Reply)
This is a normal post I am not watching Karate Kid 2010.
For the same reason I never watched Blues Brothers 2000.
 (I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 8:59, Reply)
This is a normal post They should have given up after the first 1999

(King of Beers living the dream, in his head, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:05, Reply)
This is a normal post But they were all ace...
especially when Joliet had a sex change in 1989, and was called Juliet there after. And they both became Atheist in 1998.
 (I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:06, Reply)
This is a normal post And they replaced the Penguin
with an actual Penguin, who sent them on a "Mission for Cod"
 (I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:07, Reply)
This is a normal post I proper lold at that :-)
Very good. A++.
 (I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:10, Reply)
This is a normal post bask in the glory
of The Penguin

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw0RPSjynK0

One of my favourite scenes.
 (I helped save b3ta! Dr Drink, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:28, Reply)
This is a normal post Cant find the original, but...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=33nTnawq6jk

edit: when I say original I mean the Blues Brothers version...
 (I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:34, Reply)
This is a normal post Leonard 6 was pretty good

(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)
This is a normal post I agree with what kermode said about Inception
(which I haven't seen yet)

"Go and see Inception and show Hollywood that in fact you DO want intelligent films, and not the usual summer trash and remakes"

If Inception goes through the roof (as it appears it may) Hollywood is going to have a collective mental breakdown; basically all the studios are going to say "So what the fuck do we do now?"
 (I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:16, Reply)
This is a normal post Thats really bizzare...
Kermode actually liking something. Must be good.

I plan to see it when the daughter and missus goes to see Twighlight.
 (I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:22, Reply)
This is a normal post I'm hoping to IMAX it next weekend
Don't think Mrs S is overly keen.
But luckily she doesn't care about Twiglet either
 (I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:40, Reply)
This is a normal post Oh,
that would be great at Imax...
*jealousies*
 (I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:47, Reply)
This is a normal post Actualy I've read a couple of reviews of Inception
that say it's full of plot holes and continuity errors.
 (I helped save b3ta! Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:31, Reply)
This is a normal post From a guy who loves B-movies :-)

(I helped save b3ta! @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:32, Reply)
This is a normal post no way man. B-Movie was a steaming pile of shite.
*Goes to Hull for the pun.

I watched Unthinkable last night. I was absolutley horrified by it. A technician tapped gibberish into Excel to difuse a bomb!
 (I helped save b3ta! Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)
This is a normal post But shirley
Due to the nature of its plot being all about dreams, any plot holes and inconsistencies can be explained away by being 'just a dream'. It may even be intentional...
 (I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 9:39, Reply)
This is a normal post I saw it at the weekend..
and guesed there would be some plot holes but tbh I think you would have to watch it more than once for it to be annoying. Very clever film and makes you think a lot!!!
 (Studentken is looking for motivation on, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:19, Reply)
This is a normal post Like "The Prestige".
Quite sloppy in places in my view, justified by "well, it's meant to be that way" etc...
 (I helped save b3ta! JamTallons, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:57, Reply)
This is a normal post If you think about it afterwards
then you'll find lots of stuff that doesn't make sense.
But in the cinema, we were all enthralled for over 2 hours, and at the ending there was a huge "Oooh!!" from the audience. And Kermode is right, don't go to the bogs during it, you'll lose track.

It's a question of categories: If you judge it as a 'summer action blockbuster'; it's excellent. Judged as an 'intelligent psychological thriller', it's less good.
 (North Utsira South Utsira, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:15, Reply)
This is a normal post very well written
I haven;t seen it yet but you seem to sum up a variety of reviews in your statement.

Nicely done.
 (I helped save b3ta! Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)
This is a normal post The only issue I have with the Inception trailer,
is that every single shot in it can be matched to a very similar shot from another movie (Dark city/Bond/Bourne/Xmen/Matrix and so on). Still, really hoping it's going to be good!
 (I helped save b3ta! JamTallons, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 10:52, Reply)