This one puzzled me - eating dry porridge oats mixed with sugar.
The ex one day declared that this had been his favourite snack as a child, and decided to make himself a nice big helping.

He stirred up a pint pot of it, and started eating it with a spoon, smacking his lips and saying 'Ooh, lovely! You should try this!'

I declined, and minutes later, when his mouth was clogged up with soggy oats and he could eat no more, he sheepishly admitted that it was awful and that he'd had NO idea why he'd ever thought he'd eaten that mess.

Perhaps he'd dreamed it.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:14, 34 replies)

How tall was he, in hands?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:22, closed)

Quite tall
and I should have had him gelded.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:35, closed)

porridge is some nasty shit

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:33, closed)

s'OK all cooked with brown sugar and milk and cinnamon and stuff
but dry.. brrr.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:35, closed)

You're doing it wrong.
Add it to a crumble topping, then try to tell me it's horrible.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:38, closed)

your suggestion intrigues me
i shall give it a go next week, as crumble season is just about upon us
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:40, closed)

I drove past a farm selling big bags of cooking apples only today
Life is looking up.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:41, closed)

i can get a big bag of rhubarb next week
rhubarb crumble is the best crumble there is
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:54, closed)

Gooseberry
is the king of crumbles.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 18:05, closed)

We had apple, blackberry, and gooseberry last week,
which was very nice, but you can't beat rhubarb.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 18:35, closed)

you are an utter brainwrong
rhubarb wins
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 14:52, closed)

I have a neighbour who leaves huge bunches of home-grown rhubarb on my doorstep
for which I am always pathetically grateful.

Trying to keep down the fat-consumption, I stew it with brown sugar and serve it hot with a dollop of creme fraiche or plain Greek yogurt or fromage frais, and a handful of fresh fruit like raspberries or blueberries on top.

'scuse me, I'm just off to check the front door...
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 18:49, closed)

Gizza stick.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 31 Aug 2013, 20:00, closed)

A fat one or a thin one?

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 23:45, closed)

I have a similar neighbour with an allotment
so I also open my front door to minutes old produce.
Can't beat it.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sun 1 Sep 2013, 22:08, closed)

A workmate's neighbour leaves her tons of fresh produce but her bratty kids won't eat it
so she brings it in for me.

I pedal home with bags of greens and spuds. Last week there was a pile of broad beans. Broad beans! Possibly my favourite food EVER. I steamed them and ate them from the pan.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 14:45, closed)

Is it just the leaves?

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 1 Sep 2013, 0:46, closed)

you are making me very jealous
the last thing left on my doorstep was half a seagull.
stupid cat.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 14:47, closed)

You could crumble that
You're just lazy.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 13:21, closed)

yes, but then i'd have to eat it with bird's custard
and i hate custard
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 13:56, closed)

So what do you put on your rhubarb?
We have 'orsemuck on ours.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 14:47, closed)

ice cream
with hot crumble
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:03, closed)

peach crumble
Nicer then it looks/sounds
(immadme, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 12:40, closed)

very much so
i like peaches when they're firm, so if i've got a few left that have gone soft, i crumble them.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 14:43, closed)

Oooh I've done that!
Very nice it was too.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 17:42, closed)

^ this
Also, as a tip, before it goes in the oven, flick a bit of water all over the surface of the crumble. It makes the top nice and crunchy when it comes out
(The Goderator trumped and you smelt it, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 18:04, closed)

That's a good idea,
and probably healthier than my usual "add more sugar" approach.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 18:36, closed)

Ooh yes, will try that too!

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 18:49, closed)

Make sure to flick some over the mains sockets while you're there.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 31 Aug 2013, 23:41, closed)

i always go for the more sugar approach
i like the crumble sweet and the rhubarb quite tart.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 14:46, closed)

So… custard?

(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 31 Aug 2013, 23:47, closed)

Custard
Custard must be poured around the crumble, never over it, don't you know.
(lazyman, Sun 1 Sep 2013, 22:43, closed)

I like home-made custard, like Bird's powder, but I also keep an emergency can or two in.
None of your lo-fat nonsense either.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 13:22, closed)

Aaaaaaannnnnd the neighbour has just been round with a HUGE bunch of fresh rhubarb.
Complete with, her little son tells me, a big hairy caterpillar. You don't get THAT with your Asda chilled crumble.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 3 Sep 2013, 19:16, closed)