Finally! A story without references to bodily fluids.
In the dawning years of my career, I was asked to entertain some visiting dignitaries from another office.

My job was simple. Show them my department, walk them through our procedures, and how we did things differently in the UK and then take them out for the evening for some entertainment, paid for by the company.

So they arrived, and the showing of the office and procedures went without a hitch, (I may or may not have broken wind on a couple of occasions and enveloped our group in a primeval fug so pungent it made the eyes water and caused one or two members to involuntarily regurgitate parts of their breakfast, but generally without a hitch), and so it was time to entertain them.

I had asked our secretary to arrange a drinks party, and a meal for our guests at a local hostelry, and it was to this we repaired after work.

To begin with everything was going well, the conversation flowed and everyone seemed to be getting along well.

As the conversation flowed so did the wine, and I found myself in an extremely merry mood, goading our guests into more raucous behaviour with a spring in my step and an increasingly red nose.

The rest of the evening falls into a blur, however I am reliably informed that having quaffed down copious quantities of free wine, I performed the following heinous acts.

1. Belched my own name at regular intervals and laughed like Sid James at this.

2. Referred to my manager as "Postman Pat - the miserable twat" repeatedly.

3. Attempted to 'cup' one of the visitors. Apparently my excuse was I wanted to make him a suit and I needed to get his measurements.

4. Following protestations for 3, told the victim to 'not be such an antisocial tosser'.

5. Suggested we smoked cigars in our underpants and began to remove my trousers.

I was forcably ejected by a member of staff and placed in a cab - with my trousers on.
(Vic Flange, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:54, 2 replies)

Finally! A story without references to bodily fluids.
5. Suggested we smoked cigars in our underpants and began to remove my trousers.

So, it was actually quite close to involving bodily fluids then?

(I ignored the 'cupping' as it just gave me a full body shudder)
( snee held his breath since, Fri 9 Nov 2007, 9:33, closed)

Really
Which career would this be then? You've got a hell of a lot to choose from...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sun 11 Nov 2007, 12:31, closed)