Abusing freebiesA friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.
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lizard, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
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Free condomsIn Year 7, a lovely lady came to my school one day to give a talk on safe sex, handing out free condoms whilst she was there. Condoms were blown up and let go, whizzing all around the school, driving our teachers completely ape-shit.
When I went off on my first orchestral tour at the tender age of fourteen, my mother insisted on me taking a 12-pack of condoms. I was only going away for a week and had never even kissed a boy before. Condoms got blown up and made into balloon animals on the coach.
Went to the local family planning clinic a few years later to see about going on the pill. The nurse must have thought that I was a chlamydia statistic just waiting to happen as she plied me with hundreds - literally hundreds! - of bright red strawberry-flavoured condoms. Have you ever seen a man sporting a bright red erection? Have you ever seen Satan in the South Park movie? Have you ever rolled around laughing at your man's penis, too hysterical to explain? Not exactly conducive to great sex.
The number of condoms that I have actually used for their intended purpose is far less than the number that I have used as missiles, balloon animals, amusing props, jelly moulds, water balloons and makeshift earrings.
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 16:38, 8 replies)
I've had worse...The FP clinic near me once gave me green ones. Couldn't not think of the Hulk...
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mr_wicksy is.... old., Mon 12 Nov 2007, 16:40,
closed)
.Little Mr wicksy is getting angry....
GGGRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!
lols
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 17:20, closed)
They gave condoms out in year 7?!Year 7 is 11-12 years old. Of course, if they are having sex they ought to wear rubbers, but why are they doing it at all at that age? They're children! They're still playing with Action Men and conkers.
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Bob Todd whee, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 18:36,
closed)
errjelly moulds?
Who was the unfortunate bugger who got to eat a condom derived dessert? Surely if no one questioned the shape then something must have been said at the time of consumption.
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bacon and egg roll is going to be big downunder, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 23:21,
closed)
Bob ToddA girl at my school got pregnant in year 7...
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 9:56, closed)
errWhat Bacon and Egg said. Twice.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 10:12, closed)
Jelly moulds? the mind boggles...Your birthday parties must be a hoot!
You've failed to mention the lumnious glow in the dark condoms, accompanied with lightsaber style hums and buzz's.
I can't imagine that is conducive towards great sex either.
/Edit -Mmmm, feel the force. mmmm, thats right...
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Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 10:44,
closed)
Free condoms are shitThey're usually Durex Extra-Strong or whatever they're called, and are so thick you can't even stretch them.
Apparently though they can hold 9 litres of water. Wash the spermicide and lubricant off them and you can use them as water carriers if you ever find yourself in the wilderness.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 16:24, closed)
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