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This is a question Addicted

Cigarettes, gambling, porn and booze. What's your addiction? How low have you sunk and how have you tried to beat it?

Thanks to big-girl's-blouse for the suggestion

(, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 16:42)
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Hello, my name is Donny and I'd like to share. Yeah, it's my life.

It all started when i first joined high school. I wasn't all that and a bag of chips, I was fat and reportedly "rather goofy". I strolled in on the first day not knowing anyone. I thought my charisma and the fact my dad worked at Hasbro would help out. Apparently not.

On the first day I was called a lot of nasty names. I won't say them, but they weren't nice. I had a lot of threats also. All this, just for being fat. Yeah, it's crazy, right? That night I went back home. My mother said "Did you make a lot of friends?", I gulped and said, "Yes". I rushed up to my room and went on the internet.

The internet was something I had never used much previously. But now I somehow had the urge to talk to other people I didn't know, those who had the same sort of torment as me. I found a bully victim forum. There were a lot of characters there. "PiEJeSu", "Lil_G" and this is where I made my first hacking friend, "T0rM3Nt". We hit it off in my introduction thread, and it wasn't long before we were talking on msn.

His name was John. Such a simple name, such a complex background. John told me he was bullied aswell. The "stupid jocks" often stole his lunch money and stuffed his head in lockers. The reason? He had glasses. Absoloutely disgraceful, I know. He was a year older than me, and started getting bullied at the dawn of high school. Just like me, I know. He told me he picked up hacking a few months in and ever since then, things have never been the same.

We got into a detailed discussion about computer hacking. Injecting data, draining info, social engineering, everything used to get in to some form of website account. He sold it so well, and I just had to try it for myself. I told John, "I want to do it.", "Tonight?" was his reply. "Yes", I said.

I had creamy chicken and corn soup for my dinner that night. Straight after, I ran back upstairs. John was online, of course. He asked, "Are you ready?". "Of course I am", I replied. Although I was incredibly nervous. He gave me the tools and told me how to use them. We found a site together, a simple fansite for Angelina Jolie. I took a look at the site. It was absoloutely jawdropping, all the information and pictures this person had collected on her.

John said "Go on". I told him my thoughts. He started talking about how this boy was merely lusting his carnal desires, and how the length he had gone to for one person he's never even met was obsessive. I still couldn't get in the right mindset, but I didn't want to let down John. I shut my eyes, and injected the data. That first injection, the rush, it was absoloutely amazing. I could see why John was so into it. All the capers in my life just went away with one simple injection. This is the most memorable moment of my whole life, the turning point.

From that day forward things changed in a big way. I started hanging around in the computer lab every lunchtime at school. I made no friends, only enemies. Whenever someone called me a name or hit me, I thought they won't find it so funny when I hack them. Every lunchtime I would hack their MySpaces, Bebos, Habbos, whatever I could. I had set up phishers, keylogging sites and spent every waking hour researching more security and hacking information. Of course, I didn't let any of my victims know who I was. I used the hacking alias FireD0nkey. Stupid name, I know.

I had met many more hacker friends also. I was a big name in the game. Every hacker I met was like a new friend. Until one person I met, Sam.

I won't mention Sam's hacking alias, as I know if he sees this he can do great damage to me and my family. We talked, and we hit it off well. But somehow I thought we weren't really friends. One day, he started talking to me about hacking schools. I was intrigued. He told me all about past hacked school networks etc. I said "Awesome!". He replied "So when are you going to hack yours?". I was shocked. I told him I didn't want to get in trouble and he called me a n00b. Ah, n00b, they were the harshest words to an aspiring hacker. I remember how it hurt me greatly deep down, so I said "Ok. I'll hack my school. I'm no n00b anymore".

The next day. I had set everything up. I got my school uniform on. I put my USB with all the devices in my shirt pocket. As I tied the laces of my Hi-Tec trainers, I looked in the mirror. "I'm ready", I proclaimed. My mom was shouting at me to get up. I ran downstairs and got a Nutri-Grain breakfast bar. My mom said "You're surprisingly eager to get to school". I just smiled and said "Got to rush".

On the bus to school I looked out the window. I imagined seeing computers, binary, all sorts of exciting things. As I got deeper and deeper in thought the bus driver said "It's time to get off!". I jumped and looked round, everyone had already got off. "S-S-Sorry", I stuttered. And walked off the bus.

I suffered more bullying that day. Pencils thrown at me, wedgies, the usual name calling. I just said to myself "I'll have the last laugh". That lunchtime I went straight to the computer lab. I bumped into my Sports coach on the way. He started talking about how my effort was below par. I was clearly uninterested. He said "Hey! If you aren't going to listen you're not worth my time". "Ok, thanks", I replied cheekily and brushed past him.

I got to the computer lab and logged in. It seemed like the longest log in process ever. And when the desktop was finally up, I felt a surge of adrenaline. I shoved my USB stick in, ran some programs and ultimately hacked the network. I did a lot of messing around, before finally deleting all files and shutting down the server. I quickly logged off, pulled the USB stick out and ran down to my next lesson, Biology. My teacher, Ms Flannigan was outside. She said "You're here early, Don". I said "Yes".

As the lesson started, a teacher walked in and said "Is Donny Worther in here?". Everyone looked at me. I could feel myself turning as red as a tomato. "Yes, do you need him?", said Ms Flannigan. "The principal wishes to see him", he replied. The class broke out in to a chant of "Ooooh" with a background of "What's nerdy boy done" and "Donny you big bad wolf!". I stood up and walked over to the door. I was nervous and I was shaking. I tripped over someones bag. The whole class laughed. I was embarrassed. I quickly got back up and went straight to the principal's office.

I knocked on the door. The principal instantly opened the door and said "Come in", in his trademark stern voice. I came in and gingerly sat down. "Donny... What can I say? This is so out of character for you", I looked at him, tears in my eyes and said, "What do you mean". The next words made me feel like a n00b again. "Donny, if you're going to hack our network, at least make sure you don't use your own account. Conversation over. I'm calling your mother to pick you up". I didn't bother trying to lie. I looked down and tried to hold my tears back. I couldn't even look at the principal.

As he got my mom in he told her what had happened. I didn't even listen. I just thought about the consequences. I had a flashback to when I first injected. I wish I could go back. My mom drove me home. She didn't look at me or say a word to me, I was glad. If she never spoke to me again I would be happy. We got in the house and I started walking up the stairs, ready to do a bit of hacking when my mom said, "Donny, why?". I replied "Don't know". "There must be a reason?" she said. "Don't know", I replied. She burst in to tears "Donny, if you don't tell me why you have done such a thing how can I help?". I just walked up to my room guiltily.

As it happened, a boy had thrown Coca Cola on me earlier that day. I was smelly and sticky. I figured I should have a shower. I usually don't shower, I'm usually too busy hacking. But I didn't want to get my set up sticky. I had a shower. When I finished I walked back in my room and over to my computer chair only to realize... My computer had gone.

I ran downstairs and started shouting at my mom, she argued that it must have been the source of the problem and other such things. I knew she was right but of course I wouldn't let her have the last word. I just wanted my computer back. Hacking was the only thing that could balance my emotions. She wasn't giving it up. I ran back to bed and cried myself to sleep.

I wasn't allowed back in school after that. It felt good to have a week off bullying, but without my computer it was fucking boring. I didn't have much to do. I watched TV, I played old board games by myself. I even had the first wank of my life. Big mistake, clear sticky liquid all over the place. I don't understand how people can do it everyday.

The next Monday I woke up and walked downstairs for a bit of breakfast. My mom was there, sipping on a mug of coffee. I walked over to the bread bin and got 2 pieces of bread. My mom suddenly said, "We're moving". I was in shock, "But mom, what about my frien-", "You don't have any friends. You think I haven't noticed?". I looked down. "Tell you what. When we move you'll get your computer back, but no funny business!". I was delighted, but I hid it, "Whatever", I said, although as I slipped out the room I did a wee body pop jig of victory.

After a slow month, I found myself in the back of my mom's car, following a moving truck. I just looked out the window the whole time. I thought about my past and how I'm effectively leaving it behind. No more hacking. No more John. Definitely no more Sam. I would work on being one of the cool kids. That day we moved in, I set up my computer, and went straight on MySpace. I made a nifty profile selling myself as a neat kind of guy. I searched up the high school I would be going to, to see what kind of people went there. There were all kinds of people. I was too shy to add any obviously.

Next week I started my first day at my new school. I strolled in feeling like the business, until I heard "shortstack". Oh gosh, I was already at jeopardy of being bullied again. All those days of hacking with barely any sleep or nutrition had left me a skinny, pale young man. A bit of a skeleton, so to speak. Just as I thought that I heard a girls voice saying, "That kid looks like a fucking skeleton". I glanced round and saw some cute girls laughing at me. I sighed but carried on, trying to ignore them.

The rest of the day was a disaster. I suffered terribly at the hands of bullies. More namecalling, more wedgies, more trouble. I did make a friend though, Robert. I got his MSN aswell. He was tall and skinny and rather pale. Like a tall version of me with glasses. As I got home that night I went straight on MSN and added him. He was online.

"Wow, how are you on so soon after school", I said. "You are as well =]", he replied. We chatted a lot. After a while he brought up hacking. My heart stopped. I wanted to leave hacking behind, but could I? I pretended to know nothing about hacking. Robert talked about how I should try it. It brought me back to when John had said almost the exact same things Robert was saying. And, just as I did with John, I felt I couldn't let Robert down.

That night I hacked another site. An amateur security site. Robert set me up with everything and told me how to use it. I felt like saying "I know how to fucking use them, I'm not a n00b!", but I didn't want him to realize I'm a pro. I thought I could do it a few times to please Robert, just until I found some new friends. I injected the data, and suddenly the rush came back. I knew then, I had fallen into a self destructive cycle.

It's been 8 months, and I've made no new friends. I haven't spoke to John or Sam, but obviously to Robert. Me and Robert hang around in the computer lab a lot. We also play a lot of Counter Strike. I'm still hacking. I know how you feel, buddy, I have the guilt aswell, but I fear it is the only way for me to be happy.

The hacking will destroy me one day, I know that.

Thanks for letting me share.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:40, 24 replies)
all I can say is:
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:45, closed)
I call bullshit
And I think I might know who you are.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:51, closed)
I think I might know too...
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:56, closed)
I call it too
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:11, closed)
Go on then, who am I?
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:21, closed)
Am I right?
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:25, closed)
You got me.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:29, closed)

I've gazzed you with my suspicions. I might be entirely wrong!
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:29, closed)
Do you get free Transformers?

(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:54, closed)
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:57, closed)
Where does your dad work?
As in, at which site?

And emvee, yes he will!
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:10, closed)
That's hardly any of your business. What makes you think you know who I am?
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:26, closed)
Something about this doesn't ring true
And if you disagree, well, feel free to go for my various sites.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:35, closed)
Something about you rings bellend.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:46, closed)
Touched a nerve have I?
You'd do well not to antagonise the users of this site some of whom are genuine IT professionals who are very good at their job. Now do run along, there's a good boy.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:51, closed)
Oh boy
Yeah? Well I'm a miner buddy.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:52, closed)

I'm a minor buddy.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:55, closed)

I'm a minor's buddy paedo.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:58, closed)

I'm a paedo bunny
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 17:05, closed)

I'm a mynah birdie
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 19:13, closed)
So were several members of my family before they died of black lung.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 17:00, closed)
gratuitous zoolander reference {here}
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 17:19, closed)
This reads like a William Gibson story.
That is all.
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 21:26, closed)
True or otherwise...
...it was a compelling read and well-written. *click*
(, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 22:54, closed)

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