Trust.
For my mums 50th about 20 years ago I decided to take her out to lunch. I was earning nicely and for me this was 1 of the first times I could give her a treat by buying her a nice, "proper" (expensive) lunch. I took her to a swanky restaurant overlooking the river. It was around this time that I was starting to ask serious questions about my dad & his heritage.

We were most of the way thru a nice 3 course meal. The worst thing about the meal so far had been a couple of investment banker types who had spent their entire lunch shouting into their brick-sized mobiles (1992, 'memba when?).

Then my mum tells me that there's something she needs to tell me.

A little background. Just quickly.
My mother and her husband moved from the UK to Africa to work - both working for lucrative copper mining companies. After a couple of years they split up. About 4 mths. after I was born my mums husband died in a fairly horrific crash where a driver went thu a red light and T-Boned him (drivers side).

So.
Mum tells me that her dead husband, whose surname I have, is not my real father.
My real dad is a bloke my mum met thru the local rally car club.
Whose middle name I share.
He left his wife (& young son) to move in with my mum. She got pregnant to him. They lived together & I was born. Then she caught him in bed with her best friend and kicked him out. (Once a player...) He returned to his wife and had 4 more legitimate children. Around the same time my mum's husband was killed in said car crash.

All of a sudden the dead bloke I thought was my dad wasn't my dad & I have 5 half siblings. 1 of which I used to play with fairly regularly when I was a kid.

My mums reasoning was apparently twofold - 1st she was a single mum in the 70's, if my name matched her married name it was easier and less to explain. Also my dad is South African whereas my 'namesake' dad was from the UK which meant that I qualified for dual nationality. & importantly (for my mum) a British passport.

I wrote a very long letter to this bloke (pretty sure my mum had given him the heads up anyhoo) telling him who I was, where I was coming from etc. I got a note back telling me that "I have two parents who love me." But specifically asking me not to get in touch with his kids. In the mean time I'd also got in touch with other members of his family.
His younger sister, my aunt is also a "black sheep" - they're typical Afrikaners and she has her own reasons for being "different" but talking to an aunt I never knew I had was a real eye opener.

End of the day that lunch was when I finally found out that you cannot trust everyone,no matter how close to you they are & no matter what you think you may know (despite your suspicions) you cannot always rely on those you love to be honest with you.

Not so much when it went downhill as when I learnt that you really have to chose who you trust.
EDIT: I could easily get in touch with my half siblings but... If my old man doesn't have the balls and they're none the wiser, why bother. I'm pretty sure I'm not his only bastard child.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 2 Mar 2013, 6:52, 37 replies)

i'll see your story of pathetic paternity and raise you a seventies wife-swap
where i was told for years that my siblings were my cousins and my dad was my uncle.

raise your game, dullard.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 7:52, closed)

Have you ever asked yourself Janet,
why you have to win?

EDIT: How many bruncles do you have?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 2 Mar 2013, 7:54, closed)

no. i haven't started my therapy yet.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 7:56, closed)

Oh, Shambles :(

...and the last link from that
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 23:11, closed)

Nice one HP.
Because as any idiot knows - only idiots delete their posts so as not to make themselves look like idiots.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 3 Mar 2013, 0:50, closed)

There was a post here from Shambolina
about how tragic it was that you had taken a screen shot.
Because deleting your posts so you don't look like a complete idiot isn't tragic in any way whatsoever.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 3 Mar 2013, 21:07, closed)

Yup. To be fair, I don't think we're missing much.

I suspect there's some behind-the-scenes piteous wailing going on about the fact I have changed a picture in my b3tards account, to which he rather ineptly hotlinked a few weeks ago. Either that or it was just casual interest, and a massive coincidence. But I'm betting on piteous wailing. Sadtimes.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sun 3 Mar 2013, 21:22, closed)

But it's fun for me.
What he calls "puppydogs", I call taking the piss.
And rather well if I don't say so myself *brushes non-existent lint off lapel* - seeing how many posts he's deleted now.
To make sure that he deffo doesn't look like a complete tragic idiot.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 4 Mar 2013, 0:05, closed)

Norfolk?

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 14:42, closed)

Ha Ha

( Ken Oath, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 15:02, closed)

So, post isn't relevant, or funny, or well written. Why did you bother?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 11:04, closed)

Was this in response to this specific post?
Or to the entirety of qftw for the last six or seven years?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 11:21, closed)

post is interesting, well written, makes a good point
Also, you just got added to my extensive ignore list, don't need negative scumbags like you here.
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 11:26, closed)

There's no need for such aggressive trolling.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 17:17, closed)

Why won't the MODS deal with this sort of terrible online bullying?
It's ruining what was once a charming little internet oasis of wit and charm.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 20:43, closed)

It must be because of all those idiots who
once realising they look like idiots delete their posts.
To try and not look like idiots.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 2 Mar 2013, 21:36, closed)

Thank you.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 2 Mar 2013, 21:38, closed)

My Dad
Has re-married 4 times since splitting up with my Mum.

I have a half sister that I know of - surreal moment 20 years ago of driving my then stepmother to hospital to give birth to my half sister. My stepmother was a couple of years older than me. The staff mistook me for the Dad to be, and my Dad as a concerned Grandparent.

He also once boasted "I've fucked 1000's of women" in a rare, but unwelcome, moment of Father - Son frank exchange. He was a teacher at an exclusive all girls school for some years, I don't doubt he tried to get amongst his pupils.

He has also alluded to siring quite a few children from various affairs in the 60's & 70's, which for me, made leaving Tasmania in my mid 20's a very easy decision. It's a very limited gene pool to start with thanks to a small population. His various indescretions made the chances of unwittingly increasing the population of local inbreds just a little too high.
( Ken Oath, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 14:30, closed)

I'll actually reply to the post....
Don't be angry or resentful towards your mother. She had been in an impossible situation to get correct. Whichever way she had handled it, some facet would have been wrong for someone. From what I see, having you with dual nationality and at least separately labelled from an Afrikaans background at that time was probably the best choice for you. She was looking out for your future.

As someone who had to pick a time to tell a small child that she has an elder half sibling living 200 miles away, let me tell you it's hell deciding whether to keep the secret and hell deciding when to tell.

Length? About eight years. Sorry for lack of lols but you genuinely seemed to have had your trust chip burnt out by this. Unless of course the whole thing is a figbox of your imaaaginaaaaation....
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 14:33, closed)

^True^
Our own Mum's and Dad's were once young themselves, and made a few life decisions that may seem flawed, or selfish, but at some point it's worth reconciling within yourself that whatever happened in the past cannot be undone. Get angry & bitter, but temper that with the fact that our parents aren't perfect.
( Ken Oath, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 14:54, closed)

All true.
She's been dead 6 years now so there's not really any ill will between us any longer. Last argument I had with her was a little 1 sided. ;)

It has taught me to be honest with my daughter. I may not get everything right but I know she'll never resent me for being "pliant" with the truth.

EDIT: It should be said that I really, honestly think that the only reason she told me was because I was asking some questions about my dad and I was in the process of trying to hunt down some of his family.
Yes it did take her guts to tell me - I'd have been shitting myself after lying to my kid about something that big for 20 years. As it was she had good reason.

I ended up swigging her wine from the bottle (I'm not a big wine fan), told the 2 yuppies to "get off their fucking phones and shut up and eat" and threw enough money at the maitre d to cover the bill as I stormed out shouting about having to go and find somewhere to get very, very drunk.
All in all a good lunch!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 2 Mar 2013, 20:28, closed)

Must be a bit difficult to pick the exact moment to mention something like that. Obviously, you wouldn't want to do it when your offspring are small children, but it must get that little bit harder every passing year...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 2 Mar 2013, 23:15, closed)

Yeah hahaha
hahahaha yeah.
(woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Sun 3 Mar 2013, 16:30, closed)

We could all learn something about comedy internet from this.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 3 Mar 2013, 20:46, closed)

As long as it doesn't get deleted
because only an idiot would delete a thread.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 3 Mar 2013, 22:58, closed)