"Please don't poke the turtle"
More a combination of a grumpy animal and customer stupidity, but I thought I'd share.

I'm a fishkeeper and general fan of slightly more exotic pets (currently researching how to acquire an octopus)

As such, for several consecutive summer holidays I took a job in the Aquatics Department of a garden centre.

This aquatics department had (amongst other things) a large and extremely cantankerous snapping turtle who we'd acquired from someone who thought it was a terrapin until he neatly severed the last joint on her little finger.

Old Snappy used to like to wander a bit. He was deceptively strong and could lift the hood off his tank, but usually failed to haul his armoured ass over the side. Very occasionally you'd come in in the morning and he'd be sitting in the middle of the floor. Looking for stuff to maim, I assume.

On one memorable occasion I was opening up but had been beaten into the department by some cuntstomers. Cuntstomers who had found Snappy on one of his infrequent jaunts. Cuntstomers who had decided to poke and film Snappy with A FUCKING MOBILE PHONE.

Me: "Please step away from the turtle, sir"

Knob: "Why?"

Me: He's a snapping turtle. He's got a beak like a pair of bolt cutters and could happily shear your thumb off."

Knob: "Turtles can't hurt people and he's enjoying the attention" (WTF, it's a REPTILE, not a border collie for God's sake)
(To horrible children): "Look at the silly turtle!" *poke, poke*

SNAP.

Cue one utterly fucked mobile phone (straight through the screen. Good job, Snappy).

Cue one angry chav, and Snappy being gingerly returned home.

Cue one manager paying for replacement phone. And demanding bricks on top of Snappy's lid.

Snappy was eventually sold (after about 10 years in the shop) and now lives in a garage somewhere, I believe. Good old Snapster.

Apologies for length. Would have been shorter if Snappy had got hold of it properly....
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 18:32, 4 replies)

Why did your manager
replace the bloody fools phone?
( rjmrjm, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 18:42, closed)

I wouldn't have
But I think it was a goodwill gesture.

Plus, it was technically our fault as we should have secured the tank hood properly I guess. (He'd only escaped once or twice before, though-we didn't think it was necessary).
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 18:46, closed)

But still
The guy was a prick.

As a fellow fishkeeper, have a click.

That rhymed. Woo. Etc.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Apr 2008, 10:40, closed)

Oh yeah, absolutely
Complete and utter prick. You could see by looking at the beastie in question he wasn't exactly cuddly- half tank, half stegosaurus sort of deal.

I liked him, though. If you handled him right, the only harm that would come to you is dropping him on your foot
(pharmatron Death or Scunthorpe? CHOOSE!!, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 20:52, closed)