Australian Wildlife
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I've always loved wildlife so I'm enjoying identifying the birds and animals I’m seeing here in Oz and I thought I'd tell you about some of the rarer wildlife here in Oz. So rare, in fact, that most Ozzies don’t even know about them.

The first one is the little known and rare drop-bear. These cuddly creatures are one of Australia's most dangerous creatures and account for more deaths in Australia than any other creature except crocs. They look a little like koalas and hide in gum trees until an unsuspecting tourist comes along when they'll drop from the tree onto the poor buggers head, rip open the top of the skull and dine on brains. I went out with one once.....

Next, the Melbourne Storm Bandicoot. These furry little bugger live in close proximity to humans but are rarely seen. They have the unique ability amongst marsupials of being able to imitate human speech, much like a parrot. However, they're only know to speak during massive downpours when they'll run around frantically (just like the humans they imitate) giving their distinctive cry of: "FUCKINGHELLITSRAINING"....

A frequent visitor to the Victoria coastline is the fascinating Oomeplum bird. This seabird has evolved without any legs as it, like the albatross, spends almost all of its life aloft, only landing to breed. During spring, you can watch these beautiful birds cautiously glide down to the rocky beaches to mate and, just on touchdown they issue their haunting cry of: "OOMEPLUMS!!" Brings tears to my eyes every time I hear it.

And the final animal I'd like to introduce you to is the little seen Winker-Wanker bird. By a curious trick of nature, this bird has it's foreskin attached to its eyelids. So, every time it winks, it wanks and every time it wanks, it winks. They are often found dead of exhaustion after sandstorms.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 11:50, 5 replies)

My favourite
is the Oomeplum bird.....
it almost sounds feasable.

xxx
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:00, closed)

I've heard of drop bears
but I never knew what they were until now. I shall be careful more next time I go to Oz.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:21, closed)

Drop bears
Right little terrors they are. They're considering passing a law in Canberra to make it illegal not to walk around without a hard hat.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:46, closed)

Do not fear!
Drop bears can easily be deterred by simply smearing Vegemite behind your ears. I would advise every tourist to our fair country to purchase a jar of this delicacy and apply it liberally before venturing outside.
(oball needs Satan more than he needs me, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 5:20, closed)

Aussie creatures
I have to laugh at some of the unimaginative names for the wildlife.

"What's that there?"
"Oh, that's a yellow-fin" or "Oh that's a white tail"

Wtf?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)