How I was savaged by a squirrel
Yonks ago - about three and a half yonks, if you're counting - I had a summer job at my local hospital. Appropriately enough, it was across the road from a cemetary. There were benches and trees in this cemetary - it was, in effect, a park with headstones - and I would wander across there at lunchtime with my sandwiches and a book. It was rather lovely. I would watch the squirrels, and, over time, began to recognise them - there was one that had a particularly unfluffy tail, for example.

During the summer, squirrels get hungry: the nuts haven't ripened yet, and last year's store is getting low. As a result, they become a bit braver. I would throw them a bit of crust or a crisp. Over the course of about a week, I managed to get the unfluffy squirrel to come closer and closer. After a little while, he would eat crumbs laid down right by my feet. The next step was obvious. I would train him to eat out of my hand.

The following lunchtime, I was prepared. I enticed the little chap over to me with a trail of Tesco's Ready Salted, but offered between my thumb and finger a prize to make any self-respecting tree-dwelling rodent spluff himself: a free lunch in the form of a piece of a Tracker bar (or something).

Nutkin took the bait. He homed in on the morsel... and missed. Instead of the nutty oaty treat, he took a bite of me.

I don't think any lasting harm was done.


*twitches*

And that is how I was savaged by a squirrel.


*foams*












*dies*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:31, 9 replies)

He was
After your nuts!

*shame*
( Cawl, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:33, closed)

Not meaning to belittle your pain or anything but..
hot DAMN I miss tracker bars! Stupid Norwegians not importing important things like Tracker bars, marmite and lemsip! *sob*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:35, closed)

Alas!
King Enzyme, he has passed again!

*resuscitates*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:35, closed)

that's nothing
A friend of mine got bitten by a squirrel in Finsbury Park without even trying to entice it with food. It just came over a got him.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:37, closed)

...
you're lucky it wasn't a crack squirrel. They're vicious, apparently. Probably stick you with a needle and steal your wallet.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:37, closed)

shucks
Don't judge the crack squirrels CHCD! They can't help it.. Y'know. They just start on the weed and it spirals from there. Got no sense of will power have those squirrels. It's a sad story :(
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)

^ Is that anything like
a crackhouseceilidhsquirrel?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)

Yeah,
we got them in Finsbury Park too. The worst ones were the smackhead ducks. Always stealing stuff to pay their bills.

*sorry*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 12:40, closed)

GASP!
Enzyme said spluff.....

*snigger*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 16:04, closed)