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This is a question When Animals Attack

I once witnessed my best friend savaged near to death by a flock of rampant killer sheep.

It's a kill-or-be-killed world out there and poor Steve Irwin never made it back alive. Tell us your tales of survival.

(, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 14:45)
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Free lunch
The question doesn't specify what the animals are attacking - so I'll give you a story about how our cat attacked someone's lunch.


It was a Sunday in the early(ish) 1990's, around about lunchtime. You may remember it. Mum was in the kitchen doing something kitchenworthy when there was a clattering sound at the back door. Something was happening to the catflap.

She put down whatever she was doing to see the rear end of Python, one of the cats we had at the time, struggling to get through the catflap. This was odd: he was not a large cat. Inspection revealed that he was attempting the task backwards.

Cats do not normally go backwards through catflaps. Curious.

He wriggled a little. He was trying to drag something into the house. Something, by the looks of it, large and heavy. Mum grabbed the cat by the midriff and pulled. Python kept hold of whatever he was trying to bring home, but growled. He wasn't letting go.

The only thing to do was to open the back door, into which the flap was built, around the struggling feline to see what the fuss was about.

In his mouth, Python had a joint of beef. (Remember it was Sunday lunchtime.) It was nicely cooked and hot. It was as not far off as big as he was. Clearly, someone had taken it out of the oven, put it on the side to relax, looked away, and... WHOOSH! Gone.


What to do?

We got on well with the neighbours on one side, but not so well with those on the other. We didn't really know those whose gardens backed onto ours all that well at all. All the same, Mum is an honourable sort. Starting with the neighbours we liked, she decided to start on a round of door-knocking.

"Um... were you having beef for lunch?"
"No. Why?"
"Oh... er... nothing. Bye!"

On to the neighbours on the other side. Same response. A quick walk around the block, then, to get to those round the back. Same response again.

The cat must have dragged the beef through the neighbours' gardens to get it back home, though. And my parents' back garden is, by suburban standards, reasonably large; the same applies to the neighbours' gardens. This means that he had managed probably about 30m at the shortest - and, likely as not, more - with a large, hot, beef joint in his maw.

Mum didn't ask at any of the other houses in the area. To this day, it's a mystery whose lunch Python attacked.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:40, 14 replies)
I was going to
Click this...
But "Python"?
Stupid names for animals are one of my pet hates.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:43, closed)
If I had a cat
I would call it Dog, and laugh as the other cats mocked him.

I don't like cats.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:45, closed)
...Awwww... please?

(There was a reason for his name, btw.)
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:47, closed)
If I had a cat
I'd roast it for two hours at gas mark 4, after skinning it and rubbing garlic butter over the meat.

Edit: Tell me the reason then...
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:47, closed)
I'd love to eat cat!
They look really sinewy, like chicken, but furrier.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:49, closed)
I'd like to eat
Dog too.
And panda. I fucking hate pandas.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:54, closed)
Dog would be a bit dry, I think.
Squirrel would be good though.

And Manatee, gotta try that Manatee. Just imagine the size of a Manatee burger.

(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:56, closed)
Not telling you. You wouldn't be impressed.

(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 14:59, closed)
Is a bit fatty.
I'd like to try Honeypot ants.

Please tell me Dr. Enzyme.
I'll be polite.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 15:00, closed)
was it because your cat could write computer code?
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 15:02, closed)
That's why I want to eat it.
The meat would be really tough.

Other animals I'd like to eat;

Giraffe (mmm, necky)
Biscuit-flavoured Frog.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 15:03, closed)
Oh, 'cos it's you... we had another cat at the same time from the same litter. He was called Monty.

Sad, innit?
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 15:04, closed)
That made me smile. Brilliant. :D
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 15:05, closed)
I've had
Zebra and giraffe. Both quite beefy, the zebra was fantastic.

I couldn't eat penguin, as it's meant to be quite fishy, and I'm powerfully allergic to fish, so the smell makes me retch.

@Enzyme - That's fine actually, I grinned reading that.
(, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 15:06, closed)

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