A morning surprise, but not in a nice way.
It was a Monday morning, I distinctly remember because I was pissed off at having to get up early to go out on Site after a weekend of laziness in the new house.

I arose at 6am and crawled to the bathroom to perform my ablutions. Having achieved said relief I returned to the bedroom to give the girlfriend a kiss before I started getting dressed.

I removed a freshly laundered pair of pants from the drawers. I knew they were freshly laundered because I had brought them in off the washing line the night before, folded them up and placed them there ready for use.

I put my pants on, little althegeordie and his partners in crime swingin gently in the breeze, and pulled them up snug.

I reached for my trousers when OHGODBASTARDSHAGGINGDAMNHELLCRAP!!! what the hell is that sharp stabbing sensation in my crotch? I staggered across the bedroom, crashing into the wardrobe while trying to remove my underwear. Upon throwing them on the floor I leapt, legs akimbo like John Wayne with piles, and slapped frantically at the light switch, the scene was revealed in all its glory along with a muffled groan from my other half as she rolled over to shield her eyes (from the light, she was not disgusted by my naked form, at least no more than usual).

A wasp, a big bastard wasp, about an inch and a half long crawled out of my discarded pants and lazily took to the air in the style of a dozy wasp in the middle of winter (which it was). It buzzed around my head a bit before settling on the lamp shade where I managed to capture it in a glass and dispose of it out the bathroom window.

Now I should mention that I do not react well to wasp stings. They aren't life threatening, but I do have a tendency to swell. So for the next two weeks I felt like I had a grapefruit in my pants and an almost irrestistable urge to scratch it constantly.

I hate wasps.

length jokes as appropriate.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:34, 11 replies)

"I do have a tendency to swell"
no kidding?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:36, closed)

You sir,
get a click, for the swelling in your pants.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:53, closed)

*clicks on Al's impressive swelling*
*grins*
( Cawl, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 15:58, closed)

Oh!
It would have been a queen wasp I think. I was stung on the big toe once by a wintering queen wasp. They're bloody huge things.

The one which stung me however, did not get to breed another year.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:28, closed)

Off topic
But never mind.

Have this to make up for your sting.


( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:33, closed)

Aaaah
thanks chickenlady, I will try and get it on my profile tonight.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:36, closed)

Simple...
iron your pants in future!

Scruffy arse.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 19:10, closed)

Why didn't you
kill the little fucker? Stung you on the bollocks and you let it go? The fuck's wrong with you man?
(dhroadie, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 23:52, closed)

any excuse to play with yourself, huh?

*shakes head*
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 0:25, closed)

The lack of killing
was down to me being completely naked and unwilling to go and find something to thwack it with, whereas I had an empty glass to hand. However, I see your point and apologise for my lack of manliness.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 8:41, closed)

lack of killingness can be sorted....
by keeping the little buzz-tard (see what I did there? clever, huh?) in the glass. Then dropping said glass into a bath or basin full of water.then tip it, and tip it some more,until the wasp drowns.

Also, it can be rendered unncecessary by passing all prospective clothing through a mangle prior to use, or by building some sort of bugzapper-racket based clothes hanger.

Alternatively, you might want to count yourself lucky that it wasn't a wood wasps' ovipositor. I was threatened by one of those last autumn. you never did see a more evil looking insect!
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Wed 30 Apr 2008, 15:56, closed)