Attack of the demented killer Labrador puppy
Despite my hobby taking me into situations where I could be face to face with a multitude of potentially dangerous creatures of the deep, I am yet to find myself being mauled by a shark, stung by jellyfish, savaged by crabs (no sniggering at the back), or being given a particularly nasty suck by an angry cod (stop it)! Although I did find myself being stalked by a particularly nasty looking barracuda on one occassion whilst diving off Key Largo once, but it didn't do anything - just hung about 3 feet to my right, gazing at me balefully for a bit...

And so, with the most tenuous of links, I find myself recalling what happened when one of my mates came face to face with my unfeasibly cute puppy, circa 1987.

I was 16, and along with my contemporaries, in full ‘O’ level study mode. This invariably meant that we had some free periods at school, which we used in the time-honoured way to bunk off for a bit on the pretence of ‘research’. What this really meant was, given my close proximity to the school, we’d nip back to my house for coffee and biscuits and discuss exam tactics* for an hour, before heading back to class.

It was around this point that the Davros family took ownership of a black Labrador puppy that was too cute for her own good. Way too cute, and blessed with that endearing excess of energy and excitability that puppies seem to possess. At this early point in her puppy career, Tina was still getting to grips with house-training.

One day, me and some mates sauntered back to my house for a de-briefing session.* On opening the door, puppy Tina went her usual ballistic self and started running round the kitchen for no readily apparent reason other than that there were some new people, and that in itself was an exciting prospect. One of the lads, Matt, was a bit of a dog lover, and was immediately bowled over by this black, bouncing ball of fur and feet, and couldn’t resist. Crouching down to her level, he used his doggy magnetism to get her to come and say hello. Which she did, by bounding enthusiastically across the kitchen and launching herself at him.

Catching her expertly in his arms, Matt stood up and, clutching her like a baby, proceeded to coo and aah as she enthusiastically licked his face. Unfortunately for Matt, Tina was sooooo excited that the only way she could express her delight at meeting a new friend was to piss herself copiously, all down his shirt and blazer… And so, for the rest of the afternoon, poor Matt had to sit through the rest of the day’s lessons covered in puppy wee.

Nice.

* Oh, alright, girls. Call it biology revision if you like…


( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:29, 5 replies)

I love dog wee stories
my aunts dog lost control when my sister went to stroke it once, it's furiously wagging tail caught all the wee and fired it with considerable force into my sisters face.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:38, closed)

Our current dog
who is a bit mental, but in a nice way, managed to piss all over one of our neighbour's dog's head this morning - there she was, doing her wee, when this little Scottie went over to say hello in the way that only dogs can...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 16:46, closed)

And people wonder why I fucking hate dogs.
This morning I stepped in a puddle in the hallway left by my girlfriend's dog. I was holding my shoes in my hand and was about to put them on. And I was late so I couldn't go back to get more socks.

I walked around the office this morning in my socks while they and my shoes dried.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 19:04, closed)

^ ^
Even being late, I think I still would have gone back for new socks, different shoes, and a washing of the feet.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 0:23, closed)

Barracuda...
Are fucking nasty. I've gotten nipped by one before, but I've never had a problem with a shark. Not only are barracuda prone to bite, they also like to hang out in the shady spots beneath the dive boat. Whenever I see one, I always make sure to hurry my exit or entrance.
(FleetlordVT, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 6:39, closed)