Camels: Agents of death
About age eight or nine, I was at the (I think) Berlin Zoo, where you could climb up on a platform, hop on a camel and go for a camel ride (although my memory is hazy I have to assume the camel was led by an adult on the ground). Somehow at the end of the ride I end up standing between the camel and a wall, and the camel decides to SQUIIIIIIISSSSHHHHHHH me up against the wall with all its smelly, dirty, hairy camel might. After some commotion I was thankfully freed before my ribcage cracked open like a walnut, but not before having at least half of ton of fetid camel meat pressed into my face.

In a misguided attempt to make this seem less traumatizing than it was, my family spent the next ten years cheerfully recalling the time I "kissed a camel," until I told them that being teased about my dromedarian near-death experience wasn't really helping, the bastards.

Camels: Foul, filthy, malevolent, contemptible, cowardly, and reprobate. Camels have nothing but murder on their minds. Don't believe me? Read about the woman who was dry-humped to death by her pet camel.
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Tue 29 Apr 2008, 5:32, 1 reply)

Tell that to Ali Baba.
You've heard of Ali Baba, forty thieves had he
Out for what we all want, lots of L.S.D.
He also had a camel, stole it from a zoo
How he loved the camel, and the camel loved him too
(Oh, how the how the camel loved Ali Bar Bar!)

Ali Baba's camel loved Ali Baba so
No matter where he went to, the camel had to go
Some say that he's in Heaven, but this I know is true
Wherever you think Ali has gone, his camel's gone there too

Crossing the Equator, oooo, how hot it was
Poor old Ali Baba cursed and swore, because
He was so very thirsty, and everybody knows
It's horrible to walk for miles with sand between your toes
(Oh, how the camel loved Ali Baba... brrrrr!)

Ali Baba's camel turned round and licked his hand
He said, "Oh, Ali Baba, I surely understand
We must find an oasis and get a drink somehow
But, hark! I hear the temple bells, they'll all be open now"
(Bleah bleah. Glorious beer, fills you right up with it... aaahh)

They entered for the races at the desert sports
There goes Ali's camel in his filthy cotton shorts
The starter cracked his pistol, off the camel's hared
Ali Baba's camel wins by half a camel's hair
(Hey Ali Baba! Hey Ali Baba!)
(Your camel loves you! Your camel loves you!)

Ali Baba's camel had run for miles and miles
His tail was pointing backwards, that's how a camel smiles
But Ali and his camel, they both were out of breath
They'd run so far, they laughed so much
They laughed themselves to death
[Sounds of crying and wailing)

Oh! Gather round the campfire! Sing a roundelay!
But don't sing out of tune, though
('Cause eggs are cheap today!)
Sing of Ali Baba, sing about his men
Sing about his camel, and then sing it all again
(Oh, how the camel loved Ali Baba)

Ali Baba's camel loved Ali Baba so
No matter where he went to, that camel had to go
Some say that he's in Heaven, but this I know as well
Wherever you think Ali has gone, his camel's gone to.....
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 29 Apr 2008, 13:36, closed)