My girlfriend moans if I leave the toilet seat up.
So, i've started leaving it down.
Now she's complaining about the amount shit on the top of the seat.

I just can't win.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 15:11, 11 replies)

i totaly feel for you dude

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 15:14, closed)

Get one of those slow-closing toilet seats...
...then you can turn the house rules into a game of Finish Your Wee Before The Slow-Closing Toilet Seat Closes.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 15:17, closed)

Will do.

(waxdart hello., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 18:33, closed)

But what about
the little squirts of wee at the end? They're bound to splash the seat!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 20:23, closed)

Easy...
...into the sink
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 21:19, closed)

Stick a daffodil in it
Wimmin luv flowers
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 15:26, closed)

This maybe an old joke
but it proper made me laugh!
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Thu 4 Aug 2011, 15:53, closed)

So why don't us blokes ever complain about the toilet seat being left down when we want a slash?
You can show mathematically that it's more likely for blokes to find the seat down when we want to piss, than for a women to find it up. Mostly becuase women go to the bog more often than men.
(Smale is stuffed, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 16:17, closed)

^THIS^
Women I have known complain that sitting on the bog with the seat up gives them a nasty shock and a cold arse. Quite why they don't notice the seat is up until they sit down I don't know - perhaps they should get into the habit of looking.

Alternatively, women could find a way of walking into the bathroom face-first rather than arse first, so they have the chance to adjust the seat to their preferred position.

For those of their number who find the thought of touching a toilet seat disgusting, there's bogroll. And the knowledge that men tend to lift the toilet seat in order not to get piss on it.

I always found the best rule of thumb is to leave the seat the way you found it - if it's up, leave it up; if down, leave it down.

Because, given the choice, I'd say she'd find it more disgusting to have a momentarily cold arse than a piss-soaked bathroom rug and wet shins.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 4 Aug 2011, 17:48, closed)

No excuse for not seeing it's up
They usually go in fucking twos, you'd think one of them would spot it.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Sat 6 Aug 2011, 20:14, closed)

Is it just me?
I leave the seat down and piss through it.
(Stiltzkin, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 9:30, closed)