but my exes..........
......... there was the one from uni who used to smoke in the house, which we all hated as it was. but he used to light the fucking things off the toaster and to use the crockery as ashtrays, which made it so much worse. given that his idea of "washing up" was to drag a dirty cloth across the plates with a splash of cold water, this was not acceptable. he also used to leave his underwear in the bathroom, occasionally with a telltale brown velvet stripe down the back, and had a frankly bizarre ability to leave the kitchen/freezer door open so that we would come back hours later to ruined food. NOT GOOD as a student on a v tight budget in london.

then there was the bedshitter. that he shat the bed was beyond all measure of gross, but as he only did it once, it was more disgusting than annoying. what was utterly infuriating was his snoring (sleep apnoea). he used to tell me, with no small amount of pride, that people with apnoea have been measured as snoring more loudly than an oncoming train. and then he'd pass out. and snore like an oncoming train. this is why i was with him for 4 years, including a couple of holidays, but we never spent the whole night in the same bed. i have no idea how his wife copes with it. in addition to this, he was 37 but lived like a gross student: never washed up, never changed his bedding, wore the same clothes without a shower from fri night - sun night...

a couple of the others post on here, so i've deleted the next bits to spare their blushes/myself from a lawsuit. but it was cathartic typing them out anyway!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 12:41, 14 replies)

what is it with you and men with poor bowel control?

(jennymnemonic, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 13:34, closed)

i think the first one was fine with controlling it
just not so good at cleaning himself without mummy there to wipe his arse (he was a posh inbred boarding school type called oswald).

the second was drunk and coked off his tits.

i'm not sure which is worse really...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 14:11, closed)

If you must go out with northerners...

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sun 7 Aug 2011, 14:38, closed)

hmmm
the first one was from buckinghamshire.

the second one, yeah, ok. goddam scousers.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 18:04, closed)

>:(

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 18:45, closed)

In the name of all that is holy
*why* did you stay with someone who didn't shower all week for 4 years?!!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 19:52, closed)

he showered when forced to
the real answer is kind of depressing, in 1 sentence, my mum had just died and i thought i needed him. eventually i worked out that i didn't.

in his defence, he was weirdly odourless. i've never met anyone who didn't smell in quite the same way. even when he'd been on the stella or the strongbow all weekend, he still didn't smell of booze like a normal person tramp would.

maybe he was already dead.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 7 Aug 2011, 22:31, closed)

I think
at some point in our lives we've all been (or will be) at that low point when we think we need someone and we don't. I'm sorry about your mum, that must have been hard.

Maybe you should have cashed in on the fact he didn't smell by kidnapping him and selling him to a cosmetics company, people would kill for having odour eaters that actually worked. They could have extracted the vital ingredient from him, you never know!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 10:01, closed)

I suspect that the poor quality of your partners is directly relative
to how fat and ugly you are
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:16, closed)

this is why there should be a 6 month waiting list for newbies.

(Kip, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:18, closed)

has being dumped left your fragile ego and manhood in tatters?
try to think positive kip, she'll be sucking bigger and better things from now on
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Mon 8 Aug 2011, 16:26, closed)

shush it little virgin
there's a good boy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 0:38, closed)

what makes you think that I'm a boy?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 13:19, closed)

what makes you think that anyone gives a fuck either way?
you tedious little mess.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Aug 2011, 13:55, closed)