Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be... Joe Scaramanga
I auditioned for the X factor under the name Joe Scaramanga (which, strange as it may seem, is not my real name).
My hope was I would make it through to the last 12 and then the tabloids would expose my B3ta pics on an unsuspecting world, and jokes about Maddie, flids, and making Dan Dare into a sweary cunt would get me thrown out of the competition.

It didn't happen, as I was neither superb, nor outrageously crap to get through the 'pre-audition' (the bit where a faceless producer listens to 50,000 tuneless cunts, to decide which 1,000 will get to sing in front of the judges). Yes, I've looked behind the curtain, folks. Though I did sign a contract saying I wouldn't talk to anyone about the audition process so no doubt I'm going to bum-raped by Cowell's lawyers now.

The highlight though, was being called into the audition by a fetus-aged runner who asked "That's an unusual name, where's it from?", to which I replied "Somerset", and who also had never heard of Opportunity Knocks!
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 8:58, 8 replies)

You tuneless twunt :D
I could never appear on anything like that as I am a realist ie I know I'm shit, I'll stay in the shadows thankyouvmuchlike...

Although tbh I could most probs belt out a decent tune in the voice of the Claw from Inspector Gadget.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 9:04, closed)

hahahaha!
I can sing.

You haven't lived til you've heard me belting out the theme from The Fall Guy at karaoke
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 9:36, closed)

Ah mat fall from a tower buildin', Ah mat roll a bran noo car
But Ah'm the unknown stuntman who lalalalalaaaaaa
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:31, closed)

Correct me if I'm wrong but...
Doesn't Opportunity Knocks live in Devon?
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 9:15, closed)

Oh dear Joe, did you really audition for the shit-factor?
yes, it would have been funny to see "Joe Scaramanga" up in lights...but really...*shakes head*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 9:47, closed)

you never know
he might actually be Joe McElderry, teh big virgin :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:01, closed)

Sorry
but I have no idea what you are talking about
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 10:21, closed)

"Somerset" is, scientifically speaking
The best answer to anything.

/is also from Somerset blog
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:31, closed)