Anonymous Cunt or Why NOT To Talk to the Ladies on Dating Sites
For those who have not yet blocked me and have read some of the inane stuff I post here you have probably figured out that I by nature am a bit of a cunt. It's OK, since my mum pointed it out to me over Christmas lunch a few years back I have learned to live with it.

This tale of cuntery was born from a good mate who was just a bit thick when it came to the ways of women. Having been single for a few years he was trying his hand at internet dating and lamented his lack of success. I wanted to help him out and asked him to show me the girls he was targeting and the messages he was sending. Turned out he was using the dating site where all the nice girls go, adultmatchmaker.com.

He, the over 30, not exactly blessed in the looks department (head like a pumpkin that had been thrown out at a pumpkin fuckers convention due to its battered appearance) was hitting up on the young fit things (in the 18 to 21 year old bracket) for which their criteria was mainly - fit, handsome, rich, under 25 and NOT unemployed, poor, pot smoking, stick insects (the latter being my mates true description).

His replies would not have been considered poetry it is fair to say and where not overly detailed in their response. Most where along the lines of,

"OI, I'LL FUCK YOU IF YOU WANT".

I tried to explain that these girls probably got 100's of replies and most wanted relationships and he would have to standout if he wanted to have a chance. A quick look at his profile, which included the line, "ALL CHICKS ON THIS SITE ARE FUCKED IN THE HEAD" led to the suggestion that it too could use a little polishing.

That seemed like too much hard work for him and lead down the path of him advising me I was wrong and, "BITCHES JUST WANA ROOT TOO".

Being the good friend I am, I decided this was the perfect opportunity to fuck with his head. The following day I joined the said site and created a profile that I hoped would attract him. I described myself as a 19 year old girl in a relationship who just wanted to experience the discreet no strings attached touch of a real man (aged 29 - 40) other than my boy friend before I settled down. I added a few photo's of what looked like a 19 year old brunet with her tits out pilfered from one of those sites where angry men post pic's of their ex girlfriends.

Unfortunately my buddy never replied to my profile, or perhaps it was too blatantly fake even for him but, around 150 desperado's a day didn't pick up on its ungenuineness and I was inundated with messages.

I should have left it at that but, I just couldn't help myself. So I started replying to the blokes. Those that spelt out their fantasies I told them they were sick, those who sent me soppy emails I told them they where soft, for those who sent me tough guy emails I told they where bastards, those that sent me pushy messages I told them they weren't forward enough and most of them replied and replied and kept on sending. At one point I even sent them messages in the character of my nonexistent girl’s nonexistent boy friend to let the online line Romeo's know I had found the profile my girl had posted and was destroyed and heartbroken, considering suicide or beating my girl as my only options and swearing bloody and painful murder if I ever caught up with the bastards who where leading her astray on line.

The pricks who wanted to fuck my nonexistent on line persona even replied to those messages with lines such as,

"I wish I was a fly on the wall at your place tonight"

and

"You obviously don't know what you're doing hand her over to a man who does"

and of course

"yeah come on you soft cock name the place I'll fucking have you"

None of the wankers suggested not beating her or suggested suicide was the wrong thing to do or told me/him they hadn't met up with her.

After a few weeks I got sick of it but, it did open my eyes to on line dating and why it was a piss poor option for anyone except those in the shallow end of the gene pool (well that adultmatchmaker site anyway).

One of the things I found surprising was that about 40% of the respondents listed themselves as married or in a relationship. Not that I am so naive to not realize this would be the case just more that they were so open about it. I won't lie (this week), plans of blackmailing these cunts did cross my mind, perhaps using an army of hookers to meet them and have their way with them while secretly filming it and then threatening to send the tapes to their partners unless copious amounts of cash where placed in my bank account but, thoughts of police action or possibly harm against my person stopped my heading down this path.

I did show the profile to the mate I was trying to make a cock of with it to show him how many guys replied to each woman and his only comment was,

"Bad advice you fucking cunt, I would have replied to that".

The sad thing (apart from everything listed above) is that when I anonymously created a fake profile on a dating site was the time in my life that I have had the greatest amount of communication with strangers.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 8:20, 6 replies)

sounds as though you just need a hug.

(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 9:29, closed)

You do need a hug....
A big (definately not gay) bear hug
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 11:30, closed)

It was around 150 strangers (and some where VERY strange)
that is a lot for most normal people but, HUGS appreciated (by the way I am not one of those sad cunts that hangs out with free hugs sign just to get human contact).
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 2:28, closed)

if you like strangers...
... try omegle.com

its weird :P I go on there to spam random people and piss others off :D
( Kyazrael Juan, two, three, floor?, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 18:54, closed)

if you think thats wierd try www.chatroulette.com its basically the same as omegle but with webcams, goes without saying that it can be very NSFW depending on who you get.
(casca Cracked one out on, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 22:59, closed)

In all truth, I am not that into strangers
I think I better change that last line as re-reading it looks like a cry for help from an internet hobbit.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 2:29, closed)