Mr Busypants and the Blase Lady Cyclist
A few years ago whilst out cycling I was having a cuppa in Cafe Ghoosko at Clifton Down with Mr Busypants. Our bikes were safely locked to the stands outside.

Idly we watched a charming young maiden ride up to the stands and lean her bike against them, then walk off to Sainsbury's WITHOUT LOCKING IT UP!

Something had to be done. I advocated taking her bike and hiding it, and returning it when she came back from her shoppy, so as to teach her a lesson, like; but Mr Busypants (who is a wimp) forbad this.

So I whipped out my notebook, scrawled the following and placed it in her basket (ooer):

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Dear Young Lady Cyclist

Just so you know, I could have nicked your bike, as you didn't lock it up.

But, I didn't. I thought I'd let you off.

Next time, howewer, you won't be so lucky.

Lock it or lose it, sweetcakes.

Yours,

B. IKE THEEFE

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Mr Busypants and I ordered more tea and waited eagerly with bated breath and mounting excitement for her return. She was bloody ages - we had to have more tea, and a bun each as well.

Eventually she came back swinging a Sainsbury's bag full of groceries, which she went to put in her basket (ooer). She saw the note, and read it, before our boggling, fizzling eyeballs. And then she smiled, folded up the note, put it in her pocket and cycled serenely away.

I had hoped for at least glimmer of recognition of her folly, at most a terrified grimace of horror, but - nope, nowt. A smile. As though to say, "silly man, my bike is invincible to thieves!"

I hope she got it nicked next time she left it unlocked, soppy twit.

Dr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:03, 4 replies)

lol, I like this :)
I wonder if this has happened before to her though, by someone else? In that case she knows someone would be watching her bike for her, hence the lack of security.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:22, closed)

hahaha
I like the probable thought you assumed she gave, "silly man, my bike is invincible to thieves!" :D I nearly choked on my tea. Clicks.
(fearsome mumbler is shit at telling stories, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 16:39, closed)

Oh come, now - that's a bit harsh.
Did you do this for your own gain seeing her terrified, or to help her?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 17:40, closed)

I did it
because I couldn't BELIEVE someone would be so stupid as to leave their bike UNLOCKED with the level of bike theft these days!

She needed to be told!

And I would do it again, in fact I would approach her and tell her she ought really to lock it... but perhaps she WANTED it nicked cos it was clapped out, or for insurance purposes, or something, or something.

Oh and I was going to write:

"Whilst you were shopping I sniffed your bike seat. Mmm! Lovely and fousty. Yours - Quumfty McMoomph" - but Mr Busypants forbad it.

Dr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 11:47, closed)