Everyone on my death list
Each year I play celebrity deathlist, on 1st Jan I try to predict 10 celebs that will snuff it that year.

This year is the first time I got none at all.

SO, I nominate the 10 people below for managing to not die this year when I was confident their time was up;

Elizabeth Taylor - nasty health scare last year
Nelson Mandela - lost his granddaughter, thought it might push him over the edge
Ronnie Biggs - well the government said his time was up???
Margaret Thatcher - it's about time though right?
Nancy Reagan - gotta be missing her hubby by now.
Amy Winehouse - was a wildcard but I had my fingers crossed for a custodial sentence after the MK theatre assault and a subsequent prison overdose.
Hugh Heffner - Reckon he'll die on the job, lucky bastard.
Fidel Castro - Piss poor health, but would we even know if he died?
Zsa Zsa Gabor - Another coffin dodger with failing health and money troubles.
Gene Wilder - Seriously, who gets better from terminal cancer???
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:44, 13 replies)

unlucky

(mersault, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 9:54, closed)

:) some good laughs at your descriptions there
I personally think the grim reaper's going to clear up some loose ends for the old school UK variety stars this year

Ken Dodd - going the way of his dad's dog, finally

Bruce Forseyth - going on the job much like Tommy Cooper, in front of an audience of millions live on Strickly Come Dancing half way through the show trying to grope Tess Daly. They prop him up against the Judge's panel desk for the remainder of the show, his rictus grin and cold dead eyes staring out at the contestants as they samba and foxtrot strategically around his twisted corpse.

Ronnie Corbett and Jimmy Tarbuck - going together in some bizarre golfing accident

Jonathon Ross - one morning in front of the bathroom mirror, Ross has a rare moment of clarity as he catches eye contact with his reflection whilst shaving. The cold stark realisation of what he actually is dawns on him. Later in the day he electrocutes himself in the bath with one of his animatronic Japanese state-of-the-art "man toys".

Ronnie Barker - Autoerotic asphyxiation

The entire cast of Last of the Summer Wine - a bad batch of Werthers Orginals finishes off this sunday night elephants grave yard of old 70s sitcom stars

Thora Herd - again!. After initially passing away in 2003, Dora rises from the grave in a zombie virus outbreak in Spring 2011. She dies again at the hand of Alan Bennet (now an elite Government asigned zombie hunter in the new year) by shot gun bullet to the cerebral cortex. Later in the year Bob Monkhouse's reanimated corpse escapes to a tax haven near the Bahamas

Barry Cryer - stake through the heart

Gloria Hunniford - Nuked from orbit, only way to be sure
(Dagwood, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:13, closed)

ronnie barker's already dead.
and shotguns fire shot, not bullets.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:52, closed)

Not strictly the case!
There are such thing as 'rifled slugs' which can be fired from shotguns. They consist of a solid rifled lead projectile with an obturator (fing wot stops all the gasses wot propel it goin past it innit) fitted to the rear end. The rifling makes them spin and and makes them kinda accurate.
The Ithaca 10g equipped with aforementioned slugs has been described as a 'one man road block'. All I know is they put great big fuckoff dents in 1/2" steel plate from 75 yards.


(Ex RFD and range owner)
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 12:21, closed)

excellent point expertly made!
pedantic question: is it a bullet?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 14:32, closed)

yeah,
A solid lead projectile fired from a casing down a barrel is classed as a bullet in my opinion anyway.

ex RMP, owner of lots of weapons.


CP - 'kinda accurate'?? Really, I've only ever used them on a range and don't get me wrong when they hit the intended target then fuck they do some damage, it's hitting it that's the problem! (Depending on the range of course)
(Kip, Sun 19 Dec 2010, 16:28, closed)

We used to play the same thing...
...but we only had three picks. Laziness, I suppose.

Anyway, you were only allowed two 'bankers' - half-decrepit octegenarians who'd been circling the drain since rationing. The other had to be a 'wildcard' - someone unlikely to shuffle off from natural causes, but who'd had a bit of a rough year for whatever reason, or whose wildy excessive lifestyle made throwing a seven a tangible possibility.

So here are a few people (from both categories) I bet on and lost:

Prince Phillip - Hanging on until the word 'wog' becomes acceptable again.
Maggie Thatcher - May have discovered the secret to eternal life, possibly involving the crushed up stem cells of Yorkshire miners.
Michael Barrymore - Was a shoe-in 3 years running. Did he cash in his chips? Did he arse.
Michael Jackson - Right fruitcake. Wrong year.
Robbie Williams - Had OD written all over him.
Pete Doherty - See above, times 20.
Richard Littlejohn - Suicide, due to the shame of being caught backstage at a Scissor Sisters gig, ripped to the tits on crystal meth and fellating a disabled, gay, Romanian LGBT outreach worker*.

*Admittedly this was a bit of a long shot. But in so far as it's possible for an atheist to pray until his knees bled, that's what I did.
(Monkey Tennis isn't Spartacus, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 11:46, closed)

Fruitcake
I simply have to applaud the Michael Jackson description of "Right fruitcake, wrong year". Bravo!
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 16:19, closed)

Kim Jong-Il. He's gotta be on his last legs.

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 16:05, closed)

Every year, Bruce Forsythe is my nomination for "first famous person to die this year"
And every year the cunt lets me down.

I bet, just to spite me, he'll snuff it one October. Or April, when there's fuck all happening like that Strictly shitfest.
(slocey doesn't get out often, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 16:49, closed)

I've been
waiting for ages as well.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Sun 19 Dec 2010, 14:58, closed)