Crap crap babysitter / childminder
I can tell you of a lass who looked after me when I was young who was terrible, so bad I think I could have actually been better off being left alone to do my own thing. This is the tale of N.

When I was about 10 (Maybe younger come to think of it my memory is pretty hazy) this bitch woke me up to tell me she was looking after me. Why the hell she did that I have no idea but anyone with a shred of knowledge would think that the best thing to do would be to let a kid stop in bed and not come into the room and bounce all over the bed yelling who you are.

Anywhoo after the initial pleasantries I got to know her a little better and also came to realise that she wasn’t really that good at being a babysitter due to a number of reasons, I won’t go into a comprehensive list as this is starting to drag already so I will just stick with the main annoyances:

She was easily excitable and would spaz out in a manner more akin to a toddler or first year drama students high on E numbers when anything good happened to me while she was there. Really really not my type of thing as I am a pretty grounded (some say miserable looking) bloke.

She would also stop me from doing something just to ask me something pretty stupid and let me get back to whatever I was doing originally. Maybe it was one of those distraction techniques kid psychologists use these days to stop brats smashing things up but I do know that at the time I was pretty pissed at N for interrupting me.

Her voice was really annoying, every time she tried to catch my attention or tell me something I was spending more times controlling my own feeling of rage (and the urge to ram a sword through her head) so I would forget what she had just said. Even now, years later I am just writing about it and I have realised that I am hitting the letters on the keyboard really hard in anger.

Then there was also the fact that she was leading me down the wrong path sometimes. Before she came into my life I will admit that I could be a little sod at times but she encouraged me to do things that were a little more risky like stealing things from our own village (She said it was for the greater good but I ended up taking a bollocking from the mayor when he found out what I did).

Despite these complaints I was stuck with her until my late teens, this all came to a head when I was trying to chat up a frankly hot piece of ass I was trying to get it on with and before I could ask her to give me some space N seemed to realise that she was no longer needed and left.

God knows why I then went off looking for her in the next game, she did bugger all in the final boss fights. Navi you still are a pain in the ass and the worst babysitter/childminder I can think of.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 16:57, 18 replies)

you are the master of this art mon
and I hate you a little bit for it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 17:02, closed)

Erm.... thanks
:-)
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 17:24, closed)

hey!
fucking HATE navi
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 17:05, closed)

Me too
I was actually getting angry just thinking about her when writing it.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 17:25, closed)

HEY LISTEN!
You had me going then, kudos.
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 17:46, closed)

Haha, you absolute git
Well played sir, didn't even come close to working that one out. Guess I'd better be clicking then.
( Dave McF wrote some words on, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 18:22, closed)

Either your parents hated you,
or, more likely, you are some sort of fantasist, referencing something I know nothing about.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 19:10, closed)

I think it's a pop culture reference
It's lost on me too.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 3 Nov 2010, 20:54, closed)

I realised it was some sort of reference
but didn't understand what to. I guess I still SPANG?
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 0:16, closed)

'Navi' - I guess it's Avatar? Doesn't sound right though.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 8:17, closed)

Zelda
although I could be wrong
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 9:28, closed)

Oh right.
I don't really listen to hip-hop.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 10:10, closed)

Sounds more like a film than a band

(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 11:36, closed)

Zelda

(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 8:35, closed)

Neytiri, surely
Oh thriceborn?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 3 Nov 2010, 19:28, closed)

Arf!
Well played, sir, you had me hook, line, and sinker.

What an irritating bitch.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 8:32, closed)

Navi wasn't half as annoying
As the camera pan.

Fishing was surprisingly enjoyable though....
( Dervel OTBC, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 8:40, closed)

Gah! Had me going till the final line.
And much better than my VG reference too. *clicks*
(Dante licked your nipple on, Thu 4 Nov 2010, 12:21, closed)