I'm back dating again but I'm thinking of giving up now 'cos...
I went on a date about a month ago and I was indulging in a bit of filthy conversation. It turns out I didn't truly understand the ramifications of my sweet, sweet words. There she was, looking a little crosseyed and wriggling on the bar stool (We were in a pub, and yes, the bar stool was the right way up.). She started sort of clenching her hands and got closer and closer as I got ruder. Then I made the mistake of uttering 'The horsemans word' This is a phrase passed down through the males in my family that is the decider between going home and having a wank or getting a cheeky wriggle in. Oops...

It was like throwing a snowball down a hill and then watching it gather mass until it engulfs a small town...

She pretty much launched at me, knocking me back into the chair as she attempted to claw and snog me. I began to panic but decided to go with it but then, she popped her head down and started nibbling the crotch of my jeans. I tried backing off but there was nowhere to go, then all of a sudden she nibbled altogether too hard and basically bit the middle of my shaft. That was the clincher. I got up, declared that she was, and I quote 'Fucking mental' and then left her there and got the train home. She still calls me but my days of crawling five miles across broken glass are well and truly over so I won't pick up.

Length? Not very large but with a ficking massive bite mark in the middle.
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 22:42, 8 replies)

All I can be sure of
is that it's not Star Wars.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 23:44, closed)

I'm not so sure
He did get a Chewie
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 8:53, closed)

We have a winnar!

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 9:24, closed)

...she didn't know what a wookiee was...
I should have just walked off then and there.
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:06, closed)

That's some classy bird, what'll bite your cock in a bar.
I'd have backscuttled her in the bus shelter while she ate her chips because I'm a proper romantic.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 9:22, closed)

She seemed quite nice at first and then...
turned bat shit mental! It's a common theme...
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 12:05, closed)

Here's to the horse with the four white feet,
the chestnut tail and mane;
a star on his face and a spot on his breast,
and his master's name was Cain.
(yeswehavenopasties, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 1:01, closed)

Not quite...
The one I used was tailored towards a different species! :-)
( JamHamster My eyes, my beautiful eyes!, Sat 19 Oct 2013, 11:30, closed)