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This is a question Bad Dates

Tell us about your least successful date. Arrive late? Forget their name? Show them goatse on your phone just as the main course arrived? Or was it the other way around?

(, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 16:27)
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we met in a Boots
I asked her if this cream would help my genital warts. she said she'd ask her teacher the next day. She was my ideal woman, hair like ripe avocados, and an anus that could hold a beach umberella in a gale. I knew that a woman like that would have to be romanced, so I asked her if she'd like to have my fuck missile explode in her ham silo. She said she wasn't into star wars, but she'd give me a titwank for an oyster card.
As soon as we got in the door she had her hand down my pants. I had to walk back and force her to drop my wallet. She asked me if I had ever made love to the Bolero, I said I preferred Dale's Supermarket Sweep. She was like a gymnast in bed. Fourteen. We started with a rusty trombone, then a cleveland steamer, and finally a kidderminster shagpiledriver that dislocated my wrist. She asked me to treat her mean so I told her she had the dress sense of a bosnian refugee. I gave her multiple organisms and she made me sleep in the wet spot. She touched me in places no woman had touched me before, like my duodenum. Sometimes, in some situations, I'm instantly transported back to that night, such as when I see a swan choking to death on mayonaisse
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 6:20, 14 replies)

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 6:46, closed)

Who said romance was dead?

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 8:17, closed)
You should send that in to Razzle
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:01, closed)
It's like Stusut79 never went away.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:05, closed)
worth a click for
She asked me to treat her mean so I told her she had the dress sense of a bosnian refugee

but the rest was also fantastic
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 9:08, closed)
have a click from me

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:04, closed)
Poetry + officelols

Highly reminiscent of "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying" by The Bloodhound Gang.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 10:17, closed)
"an anus that could hold a beach umberella in a gale"
This to win.
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:39, closed)
I read this in the voice of Vic Reeve's Kinky John

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 11:53, closed)
(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:38, closed)
"Had me roaring with laughter." TLS

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 12:38, closed)
worthy of byron himself

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 13:56, closed)
A 5 star lol - Paul Ross

(, Wed 23 Oct 2013, 14:24, closed)

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