Cheques
I transferred some money from Nationwide (helpful) to Natwest (cunts) by cheque the other day in order to be able to pay my car insurance. Next day, bosh. The money's there in my account. 'Wahey' thinks I. 'No more bus travel'. I called up the insurance company and after the usual "Who are you, where was your gerbil born, why does your aunt have six fingers on her left hand" fuss, came to make the payment.

My card was declined. This surprised me slightly as I was £350 in the black with a £1000+ overdraft and the bill was about £1200.

I called Natwest to ask them what had gone wrong.

"I'm sorry sir, the funds aren't available until Friday"

"But I can see them in my account"

"Oh yes sir, they'll show up but you can't actually spend them"

"What?"

"They show up to indicate that the cheque has been cashed, so you don't think we've made a mistake"

"So you've processed my cheque... but you don't have the money"

"Yes sir"

"So why bother showing it in my account?"

"Well sir, we have to get the money from the other bank"

"Are you seriously telling me that you have to physically go and collect £1500 of my money from the bank 50 yards in that direction?"

"No sir. It's all done electronically"

"SO WHY THE HELL DOES IT TAKE FIVE DAYS?"

"..."
( MatJ LOOK, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:22, 3 replies)

Cash
Only way to get round this problem is to use cold hard cash. That's right, in this digital age the quickest way to transfer money is to walk down the high street hoping you don't get mugged.
(potato123, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:28, closed)

5 days?
You wish. It actually takes about 12. This is why the scam cheque with the "extra" for the courier works when buying a car.

Dodgy git (DG) calls up and says "I need your car, I am overseas. I will send a cheque for asking price + £1,000 for shipping. When cheque clears, please send £1,000 to DG Ship Co."
So you get and cash cheque (almost certainly from a foreign bank), 3 days later all seems well. You call bank and ask if it has cleared, they'll usually say "Yes".
You then cut your own cheque for £1,000 and give that (along with car) to DG Ship co.
About 9 days later the deposit vanishes from your account - the cheque was a phoney.
So now DG has £1,000 from you as well as your car and there is pretty much fuck all you can do about it.

You can thank your bank for being a bunch of lazy cnuts.

And yes - even today people get caught out by this. Beware, and never trust your bank.
(SpangleDangle >->)))'>, Thu 16 Jul 2009, 17:41, closed)

Absofuckinglutely...
Money grabbing, scamming bastards...

And don't get me started on the banks...

*click*
( snee held his breath since, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 11:32, closed)