b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Bedroom Disasters » Post 1257235 | Search
This is a question Bedroom Disasters

Big Girl's Blouse asks: Drug fuelled orgies ending in a pile of vomit? Accidental spillage of Chocolate Pudding looking like a dirty protest? Someone walking in on you doing something that isn't what it looks like?... Tell us about your Bedroom Disasters

(, Thu 23 Jun 2011, 15:14)
Pages: Popular, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

« Go Back

Sleep Hitler...
It's been a long time since i've posted but then perhaps my life isn't interesting enough to warrent it. However I do have a story that fits both the current QOTW and the last one.
The regular reocurrence of this condition should long ago have convinced the mrs to leave me but apparently she is made of stronger stuff.
I'm sure many of you have experienced the unsettling feeling of waking up with your legs raised and the unsettling feeling of falling. Well I too share this problem. With my arms. For I am a sleep hitler, so named by the gf and I because my right arm regularly reaches up at a 90 degree angle when I am asleep for no reason known to man. Often when this happens it falls down behind my head during the night, so when I wake in my post sleep confusion I cannot feel my arm and feel around where it should be, inducing a mild panic when I think it has disappeared, until shaking the post sleep fog I start at the shoulder, lift it up and shake some life and blood back into it (fnar Fnar).
Other times however, my strangelove esque condition has a far more sinister aim. The gf always sleeps on that side and often when Im asleep will snuggle on to my chest for warmth and reasurrance or something...(women eh? what do they want...)
And when I wake up the stray hand falls and smacks her right in the face.
Try explaining that to her concerned father when she comes home sporting a black eye.

I've also apparently attempted to strangle her in my sleep the night I returned from a 2 month field excursion sharing cramped accommodation with the most infuriating manchild of a colleague I've ever known.

I genuinely fear for her safety.
I'd make a length joke but it's surprisingly hard to measure your own arm
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 13:59, 10 replies)
I do this too!
Though I haven't smacked her in the face yet, she claims it's only a matter of time.

I will delight in telling her that it's not merely my own special kind of weirdness!
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:06, closed)
Thank god I'm not alone
We should start some kind of support group
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 14:09, closed)
Hands up anyone who wants to join

(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 15:47, closed)
me me me
i do this with only my right arm for a strange and sinister reason unknown to me cracked the wife across the face a few times but with out serious harm to me or my hand i am glad to say, also it only happans when i mix thai stick tramadol and dyhydrocodien all in the same session
who would have thought that some thing simple like this could cause trouble ? eh
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 16:47, closed)
I'm also a sleep Hitler. Never smacked my wife but she likes to slowly lower my arm and watch as I raise it back up again.
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 18:37, closed)
I like the amount....
of "monkey" in this :)
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 16:44, closed)
My girlfriend
Has a habit of repeatedly sleep walking.. into the door frame.
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 16:47, closed)

(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 16:58, closed)
It does not bode well that only men seem to suffer this condition. I worry people may think we protest too much...
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 19:11, closed)
I used to worry about the lack of domestic violence found on b3ta.
But, really, you should stop making excuses. Say it loud, and say it proud: "I beat my wife".
(, Mon 27 Jun 2011, 19:56, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Popular, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1