Jacobs crackers - slightly tenuous.
Not best or worst, but most frustrating.

I sent the following e-mail to Jacobs a while back.

Dear Sirs,
I am writing regarding your Cream Crackers. Whilst they are undoubtedly the premium cracker of this particular variety, I feel I must inform you of one particular botheration of mine.

The size of your crackers is, to be frank, infuriating. More often than not, after happily buttering one of your tasty morsels, I aim to munch roughly half the cracker at a time. As I bite along the horizontal, I hold said cracker with the fingers of one hand on the left and right of the cracker which I believe to be a sufficient and common technique. Upon crunching through the layers of creamy crispy cracker, it has a tendency to split along the perpendicular. The best case scenario is that the pressure exerted from my fingers clamp the pieces together, and they are held fast by the butter. Unfortunately, this does not always happen, and if I may refer to the old tale of toast landing butter side down, as is the wont of your crackers. Disaster ensues. Not only have I wasted approximately one half of the golden goodness, the floor is now decorated with butter.

Perhaps they could be made smaller, into bite size pieces. And/or perhaps the shape could be changed to a Ritz-esque circle. I understand it may be of noticeable financial inconvenience to yourselves to alter your manufacturing process at such an established phase in your companies' existence, but I can assure you that my consumption of your fine product would increase exponentially. Perhaps there are further avenues to be explored from this idea. For example miniature Cream Crackers topped with crème fraîche, smoked salmon and dill would make fantastic canapés that the working man can relate to, and not be afraid of as he stands in his hand-me-down suit, surrounded by the type of people who would look over-dressed in a Ferrero Rocher advertisement. The marketing even writes itself! I trust you will make the correct decision and I eagerly await your reply.

Yours faithfully,
TheColonel


And the reply I got?

A generic "Thank you, we will forward your suggestion on to the appropriate department."
(TheColonel, Thu 26 May 2011, 14:39, 3 replies)

haha
this made me smile, well done Sir
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 26 May 2011, 14:42, closed)

They missed an opportunity there didn't they?
'over-dressed in a Ferrero Rocher advertisement' Genius.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 26 May 2011, 14:45, closed)

I find it hard to believe that something with my name on it can be horrible!
I am after all, delicious!
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 27 May 2011, 5:37, closed)