My phone.
I've seen Big Issue sellers with nicer phones than mine. Seriously; it's depressing.
And now, every time I buy an issue from Smelly Barry down the Tesco I imagine him twittering it three seconds later:
"Just sold magazine to horrible prole with crap phone. He'll probably use it for toilet paper, poor degraded bastard. LOL, ROFL, ETC."
Pff. Who needs a colour screen for a phone call anyway?
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:45, 10 replies)

.
He thinks you use your phone for toilet paper? This man is mad.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:47, closed)

Yeah...
...mad...
yeah...
*cough*
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:50, closed)

What's wrong with the colour screens, you racist.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:49, closed)

I can't help it, it's just the way I was raised!
Those dirty Taiwanese TFTs, coming over here, stealing our women. Hanging's too good for 'em!
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:52, closed)

You know what?
I'm going to dig out my Nokia 3310 and stick a sim in it. It holds phone numbers and I can ring them and send messages. Anything else is superfluous.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:51, closed)

Excellent!
A damn fine phone. Built in the days before Nokia realised that it was much more profitable to build them from surplus kinder egg toys and spit.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:55, closed)

It is pretty hefty
and would be a serviceable weapon if put in a sock and swung about.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 15:58, closed)

Ah, the good old days,
Back when a phone could stun a burglar rather than attracting one.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Tue 9 Nov 2010, 16:05, closed)

But how do you view the interweb?
How do you post on b3ta from it for that matter?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 9 Nov 2010, 17:23, closed)

Using an honest desktop computer...
...just like grandma used to surf for porn on.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Wed 10 Nov 2010, 13:23, closed)