I'm fearing an incoming influx of computer ignorance questions from my parents.
After years of persuading them to get the Internet to save the endless requests of 'Can you find this on the internet for us, can you book these flights on the internet for us...'

I'm anticipating they are going to fall for every scam going so am preparing a preemptive laminate for them to read with such pearls of wisdom as

"When receiving an email reporting that your Barclays account has been hacked, ask yourself this important question,'Do I actually bank with Barclays?' "
"Would you give your bank details to a random stranger in the street in exchange for a briefcase full of 'cash'"
"No, Not everything you read on www.dailymail.co.uk is true, infact most of it is total bollocks."
"You do not have a World of Warcraft account so do not worry whether it has been hacked or not."
"Check, check and double check before pressing 'submit' on any website that requires your credit card number"
"If it looks too good to be true, it probably is."
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:30, 18 replies)

My dad is a sucker for downloading random things...
Last time I used his laptop he had about 15 toolbar addons. From aol to zoopla.

That being said: "You do not have a World of Warcraft account so do not worry whether it has been hacked or not."

Someone from china hacked my email account to try to steal my World of Warcraft details, despite it having been inactive for 2 years.

They didn't bother to steal my banking details though which I had sent to my dad about a week previously. Very considerate of them.
(TheASK, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:35, closed)

Why've you got me on ignore?
I don't even know who the fuck you are.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:26, closed)

I thought you couldn't see people who've got you on ignore now.
That being the case, how come you could reply to this?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:41, closed)

Because it's a piece of piss to circumvent due to fucking woeful implementation and generally being a terrible idea in the first place.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:49, closed)

Hmmm.
OK. Though I think it's actually quite a good idea...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 21:51, closed)

If you're logged out you can see posts
and then if you hit reply it asks for your login details then et voila - you have posted a reply to someone ignore2.0ing you.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Sep 2012, 14:34, closed)

There's worse to come. I call it stage 2.
*ring ring*

"Hello"

"Hello, it's Mum"

"Hi, how's it going"

"Fine. Just wanted to tell you, I found this amazing thing on my internet, it's called Google. You just type in anything, then press search, and you get lots of websites about it"

"Oh, well that sounds intersting. I'll have to try it"

"Yes. G-O-O-G-L-E. I'll let you know if I find anything else interesting"

"OK, but if you do, you can call me during the day, OK? It's 4am, I was asleep".
(username failed moderation, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:44, closed)

What did she use to find google?
The mind boggles!
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:11, closed)

Hah.
good question.

Probably read about it in the Telegraph.
(username failed moderation, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:16, closed)

have you given them any important advice regarding cash registers?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:50, closed)

Good lord no. Cash Register is an evil word to my father.
Owned his own Auto Repair garage for his entire working life so easily pocketable Notes are preferred to anything auditable.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:56, closed)

I dispair.
My father really did believe that he was the millionth visitor to a website (do they even have those banner adds any more?) He will phone up competition lines at 4 billion pounds a minute to win frick all. I dare not look at his internet history.

But whats most scary, because of his love of handing out personal information we've been having the 'mircrosoft' scam phone calls, if I'm not there to waste their time, my father will actually believe them, 'your computer running a bit slow?' 'why yes it is young sir' I just wait for the day that he gets his card raped.

The laminate list idea is going to be done this weekend.
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:53, closed)

I'll add 'Millionth visitor scam' banners to their laminate.
If you have any other tips add them here!
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 12:57, closed)

"Get off the computer before you hurt yourselves you stupid old cunts."

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:02, closed)

Tell them not to click on any message that pops up telling them they have viruses UNLESS it's actually from the anti virus software they have installed
If I had a penny for everytime I've had to remove malware and adware from my Dad's or my inlaws' PCs I'd have £5.63
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 13:38, closed)

I got 3 license keys free with Kaspersky, through my bank account
They are definately having one of those.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 14:08, closed)

I did the same with extra Avast! licenses.
It's much easier to manage their antivirus solutions than having to fix yet another borked machine.
( Draconacticus Reject shampoo. Demand real poo!, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 14:11, closed)

Never mind "probably"
A pet peeve of mine, the phrase should without doubt be "If it seems too good to be true then it IS."
(Stig2k, Fri 31 Aug 2012, 21:33, closed)