I punched the missus last night...
Not as you would imagine.

Was doing the deed. Left arm gave way, just at that time i was "adjusting" myself as had popped out. Paniced and tried to keep up by slamming my right arm back onto the bed to keep myself up.

Missed the bed and smashed her right in the chops. Blood everywhere, took forever to clean up.

Her mum & dad get to ours on friday, this morning she had a lovely black eye coming on and a bloody nose.

Im in big trouble as her old man is a monster
(Lanceuppercut, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 3:36, 15 replies)

I don't suppose
Your wife's name happens to be Luka?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 13 Aug 2008, 6:39, closed)

Luka?
Afraid not. Or have i missed some in joke?
(Lanceuppercut, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 8:31, closed)

^^...

Or lives on the second floor...upstairs from you, yes I think I've seen her before
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 13 Aug 2008, 8:34, closed)

@
Yes I think you've seen me before
If you hear something late at night
Some type of trouble some kind of fight ...

(Suzanne Vega)

Yeah, Lance - you're in trouble. You can't exactly say to Dad-in-law "yes, we were busy making you grandkids when I slipped and hit your daughter in the face" ... you could invest in some S&M gear though and offer your Dad in law a go at your Mum in law.

*did I just type that out loud?*
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 8:43, closed)

am I wrong/alone
in finding this hilarious?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 8:52, closed)

ahhhh
i get it now. Very good.

She isnt happy though, had to take the day off work today and has sat with a bag of peas on her face all day.

If you dont hear from me past friday, call the cops, her dad did it.
(Lanceuppercut, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 9:13, closed)

@Vipros
You're not alone. I think that it's bloody hilarious (obv, not for Mrs L)
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 9:48, closed)

@Ed
I didn't think I would be alone. reassuring
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 9:50, closed)

I officially love this
fabbo!
(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 9:56, closed)

LanceUppercut, eh?
Moar like BOB CAROLGEES or something ahahahahah ahaha. I'm such a sleuth.
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 11:15, closed)

come on
Mr L, you should know that kidney punches don't show for work / family.

hehehe, which situation is worse, see there is a possibility that mad bad dad might be even more upset for defiling his special girl.

Your fucked sonny, run away to brazil
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 11:15, closed)

purple
well done sir, ive been found out
(Lanceuppercut, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 11:52, closed)

In a similar vein (if you'll excuse the pun...)
My rather fabulous new man jammed his thumb into my mouth while we were having sex last night and accidentally sliced the roof of my mouth open with his nail.

It was a novelty having sex with a mouthful of blood, but not quite so pleasant trying to eat today.
(clumsyeloquence is a girl, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 14:06, closed)

clumsyeloquence -
take my advice and steer clear of Salt and Vinegar crisps for a while.
(richardm, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 16:02, closed)

On the first day I spent with ancrenne
After vomiting on myself the night before, I went to put my arm around her and managed to elbow her in the eye...
:(

She was ok though, still, I felt pretty bad...
( Cawl, Wed 13 Aug 2008, 18:00, closed)