Robinson Crusoe.
I know it's supposed to be terribly important and the birth of the modern novel and all that ... but it's fucking dreadful. The almost entertaining bit where he's stuck on an island and dubs Man Friday and threatened by cannibals lasts for about three pages. The rest is about him having a religious epiphany, trying to convert the fuzzy wuzzys, establishing a transatlantic trading scheme and about four thousand pages describing the difficulty of cutting a canoe out of a log using a stick. Robinson Crusoe? Robinson Fuck Off Fuck Off Fuck Off Fuck Off more like.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:10, 20 replies)

Erm. Spoiler alert?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:10, closed)

Never mind,
you might have just saved some poor soul from several hours of excruciating, racist reading.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:12, closed)

Good point.
This is Public Service QFTWing.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:14, closed)

There isn't anything in that book that any
self respecting MP or premiership footballer wouldn't say. Racist indeed.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:16, closed)

I made my my twelve year old read that in
a desperate effort to introduce some culture into his life.


I can be a real bastard sometimes. (In my defence and to his credit he actually made a real effort with it, although he did give up on Lost World by Arthur Conan Doyle about three pages in as it was totally incomprehensible)
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:14, closed)

The French get Voltaire and Dumas and we get Dafoe and Austen.
Life just isn't fair.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:22, closed)

But whereas they have Jean de Florette (Pagnol is it?)
we have The Man who made Husbands Jealous by Jilly Cooper, so who's laughing now eh?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:31, closed)

I'm still laughing because in my head I pronounced Dumas as dumb-ass.
Teeheehee.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 17:14, closed)

This comment should win this week.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:33, closed)

Dumas was a master of stringing a story out.
He wrote most of his books in serial form for newspapers, so since he got paid by the chapter, all his books are about three times longer than necessary. Thats not to say they aren't good though.

Your points about use just having Defoe and Jane Austin aren't strictly true either. We also get Robert Lewis Stevenson, James Fenimore Cooper and Sir Walter Scott. All wrote excellent swashbuckling yarns.
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:50, closed)

James Fenimore Cooper was American.

( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:58, closed)

I didn't make a point about just having defoe and austin.
That would have been a moronic point to make.

We've also got Roger Hargreaves.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 17:10, closed)

You're just fishing for a quip implying he wrote a "Mr. Shambolic" book, about a big lumbering mutton chopped northaner with a chip on his shoulder and tourettes.

Then you can reply "that's Dr. Shambolic sir!"
( jagwap, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 14:02, closed)

This this this this this.
The single most boring fucking book I've ever attempted to read. And apparently his is the 'sexed up' version of the real story. I pity anyone who's attempted Alexander Selkirk's original account.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:24, closed)

Pirates Of The Carribean was way better.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 16:30, closed)

The woman in that is a funny shape.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 17:11, closed)

that was a woman?

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 17:33, closed)

Yeah. Johnny is short for Johanna.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 8:45, closed)

Agreed.
It's much more useful and entertaining to watch re-runs of Ray Mears.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 17:55, closed)

The ending is the worst bit
"then I went somewhere else, then later I came back, and I went to some other island, and I did some other things, I'll write about it all later even though I've just told you the whole story"
( Zuowan, Fri 6 Jan 2012, 2:36, closed)