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This is a question Break-up Stories

Freddie Woo sends us a tale of woe which ends: "I could live with being cheated on. What really got me that there was clearly a third person holding the camera, and the arse pummeling up and down sometimes had a tattoo, sometimes it didn't. I moved out that day." Tell us about how a relationship's come crashing down around you.

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 13:18)
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Basically, Winona Ryder is starting to annoy me.
These constant cries for attention and then refusing to answer my letters and calls are pissing me right off, and I'm thinking about leaving her for Natalie Portman (now).
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 16:55, 18 replies)
Don't do it Vaggy, she's only after your dog.

(I helped save b3ta! stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:15, closed)

Is the "(now)" designed to indicate that you prefer her current incarnation over her 12-year-old flavour in Léon?
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:42, closed)
He's a proper quair if he does. She was well fit.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:44, closed)
If there's no grass on the pitch, play ice hockey.

(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:45, closed)
Nobody under forty has grass on the pitch these days.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:46, closed)
Ladies who don't bow to the phallocentric diktats of suffering to be smooth do.
HTH
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:47, closed)
I've only ever known one under-forty granny and I'm pretty certain I never fucked her.
Although at my age it's hard to remember.
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:51, closed)
Aha, ninja edit.
Reminds me of that chav party with the banner "Happy 30th Birthday, Gran".
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:52, closed)
Have I had me tea?

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:53, closed)
Aye
I'll put t'kettle on again if y'like, but no sugar this time.
(I helped save b3ta! .Yeti., Thu 12 Sep 2013, 17:55, closed)
aye not for me neither
I'll be up all night with the wind
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:24, closed)
Any mention of Natalie Portman's attractiveness has to carry this disclaimer
The anti-nonce defence. See also the Lazytown defence, the Emma Watson defence, the Miley Cyrus (no, me neither) defence, and so on.
(I helped save b3ta! Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 12 Sep 2013, 18:16, closed)
what the fuck is wrong with you?

(I helped save b3ta! janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 18:24, closed)
Janet and Miley, sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 19:15, closed)
Paedo-guilt.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 19:27, closed)
How long do you have?

(I helped save b3ta! Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Fri 13 Sep 2013, 9:48, closed)
Well Miley does look like a Lesbo in her latest video

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:25, closed)
If you take Winona back,
will you ask her to pick me up an iPad next time she's out?
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Fri 13 Sep 2013, 11:47, closed)

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