My teenage daughter was hounded by just one nasty bitch in high school
for a couple of months, by which time she was a nervous wreck.

Her father was a teacher there, so it seemed that for the school to intervene would be seen as favouritism.

I wasn't a teacher though, so I steamed into school and told a deputy head very firmly that if the girl even looked at my daughter again I'd wait for her outside school and punch her face in myself, and I'd ring the local paper first to tell them I was doing it.

The deputy was horrified - 'You can't do THAT!'

Schools HATE 'trouble', but only if it makes them look bad. Individual kids don't matter, not even bright, pleasant ones.

My daughter had no more problems and the bully went on to a successful heroin-and-breeding career.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 16 May 2009, 3:21, 8 replies)

You are an ace mum.
You should know that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 16 May 2009, 4:28, closed)

Awww ta
you old smoothie!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 16 May 2009, 9:16, closed)

Hey, glad it worked out, but the way this read to me was that hubby has to work at this place every day, daughter has attend classes at this place every day and you as an adult threaten to assault a pupil of this place, and involve the media. I'm glad it worked out for you, but on the surface it sounds like a high risk strategy to me.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 16 May 2009, 8:31, closed)

Yup, it was, but we'd already tried all the regular channels
and been told more or less 'we daren't intervene as her father's a teacher. It'll look like victimisation of the bully.'

I knew the school'd back down and do something if I threatened to show them up - the bullying cowards. There was never any risk of actual violence.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 16 May 2009, 9:11, closed)

Fair enough then. You'd considered the options and consequences obviously, so kudos for doing what you did.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 16 May 2009, 10:30, closed)

*click*
It's a recurring theme I've seen both on this QOTW and in various schools I've attended/worked for, that while there are good schools who genuinely look out for the kids, there's at least a large minority of schools who would rather have the least hastle possible, push it under the carpet and only do anything about the problem if it makes them look bad if nothing is done, often at the expense of the kid being picked on. Often by blaming the victim for the situation on some level.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Sat 16 May 2009, 11:55, closed)

It also works the other way some times
I spent about 10 years being bullied at school (i.e. 7 years primary school, first 3 years of secondary- after that it petered out but was worse when it happenned).

4th and 5th year were filled with the second years lobbing stuff at us, kicking, etc. We didn't want to beat the crap out of them as when someone had hit back they'd been threatened with expulsion (they were 3 years older than their attacker).

Anyway, one day we were playing football and doing a pretty good job of just ignoring them. So they started throwing rocks (not stones. Rocks.), crushing people's bags, climbing trees and chucking things / spitting from there. One of them chucked a big branch and it glanced off my best friend's shoulder.
So I picked it up and threw it back at the prick who'd thrown it at us.

And missed spectactularly- it was a 15m javelin throw with a kilo or two of crooked wood. Can't really be expected to go in exactly the way I hoped.
Which impacted with the wrong kid's face. Half an inch below the eye. It knocked him out of a tree, he fell onto the pile of rocks that was providing his friends with ammunition and got carted off to hospital.

I got a token two hour's detention where I caught up on a good book (the last one was waived for "good behaviour") and they got a couple of months nights of detentions each. While not allowed to do anything- not talk, not even homework.

So yes they're ambivalent sometimes. But if the problem's just that your kids' otherwise decent teachers have their hands tied, you can find that they'll suddenly find them even more tied when the victim retaliates.

Demanding security camera footage after every single instance of bullying is also a good way of getting to the truth and getting them to act on it.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Sat 16 May 2009, 13:17, closed)

I absolutely agree about the otherwise helpful teachers with hands tied -
it was t'management who were being pricks in this particular school, and that seems to be the general pattern.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 16 May 2009, 13:33, closed)