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This is a question Bullshit and Bullshitters

We've had questions about lies and liars in the past, but this time we're asking about the sort of fantasist who constantly claims they've got a helicopter in the garden or was "second onto the balcony at the Iranian Embassy siege". Tell us about the cobblers you've been told, or the complete lies you've come out with.

Thanks to dozer for the suggestion

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 12:55)
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Parent Bullshit
Is the worst kind of bullshit, and my life has been a long slide of disappointment as I have discovered more of the things I hold dear are actually bullshit, that my Dad would say ANYTHING to keep us kids quiet.

Just 3 examples to give you a flavour of the nonsense I took as FACT, because, well, my Dad had told me, and Dad was always right:

1.I was nearly in Middle School before I had to accept that my Dad hadn't been a Roman Legionnaire, despite having had many years of interactive bedtime tales, telling how he and my uncle hacked, cut and parried across Europe at the head of Rome's very secret, one and only Welsh Legion, fighting a giant octopus and "the Turks", amongst other fiendish foes along the way.

2. That when that Legion was disbanded (sometime after they killed Hitler, I think), he had moved into Caernarfon Castle, which was actually our ancestral home before my Grandmother decided she actually preferred to live in a house in a small village down the road.

3. The Khyber Pass is in Wales.

I'm going to leave it there for now, and just plead with you parents not to bullshit your kids as a quick fix when they are bugging you.

The thing is, when they go to school, like I did, and the teacher asks where the fucking Khyber Pass is, your kid's hand will shoot straight into the air:

"It's in Wales Miss"
"Um, no, good try. Anyone else?"
"No, no more messing about. Anyone?"
(Getting angry now)"It IS in Wales. I've been there, several times. My Dad had a hideout in the rocks and would shoot Turks with his bow and arrow, back in the Black & White days."
"Riiii-iiiight. OK, let's move on then, shall we?"

Now the teacher will steer well-the-fuck-away from this minefield, I mean how exactly would you tackle a kid who thinks his Dad is a seasoned killer with pre-firearms weaponry? Ignore it, that's how, confirming in the kid's mind, that the bullshit is actually the truth.

And would Dad take me to one side and say "Hey, you remember all that stuff I told you about when I was a notorious cut-throat pirate on the Spanish Main, before I went to work at the GEC? Well, it was bullshit". Did he fuck. He just let me wander round waiting for the day he'd find his Centurion's helmet and sword in the loft, then all the nay-sayers would see the truth.

I'm sure there'll be a story already posted here about a kid who used to bullshit that his Dad was a Medieval Warlord. That kid was me, but I honestly believed it. Thanks Dad, you twat!
(Ha, I've just remembered that he told us kids that Mum went to the "Special" school up the road. We would go to school and repeat the lie, I can still see the bemused looks on the teachers' faces. They must have thought we were a family of fucking nutters)
(, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 21:29, 10 replies)
The Kyber Pass is in wales
In Carry on up the Kyber it was filmed in Wales...

collects pedants badge.
(, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 22:01, closed)
(, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 23:57, closed)
That's it!
That's it! Sorry Dad, I take it all back. It all comes flooding back now, that must have been why we called the Llanberis Pass the Kyber Pass. Or it might have been because it was the way into a shithole, I can't be sure.
Dad also told us that the mountains were just like China, and again he was correct - when he was a kid they filmed "Inn of the Sixth Happiness" round there.
(, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 0:03, closed)
I think they used Wales for China
in the Tomb Raider sequel too, when they were riding the motorbikes.
(, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 8:48, closed)
The mountain pass scenes
were filmed on the Watkin path, near Nantgwynant.

I used to live there, and know a lot of the older locals that were extras
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 18:50, closed)
3rd Foot And Mouth Regiment
or something like that...

One of my favourite films

Definitely Llanberis pass - near Mount Snowden
(, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 11:09, closed)
I used to drive my rickety old camper van up there regularly and told the kids it was indeed the Khyber Pass. I bet they still think it's called that even now.
(, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 12:56, closed)
my dad told me the same thing on a Welsh holiday

still love that film
(, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 10:14, closed)
I think
your Dad sounds like a *star*
(, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 11:59, closed)
I know where it is!
There's a Khyber pass up here in Aberdeen, decent curry too :)
(, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 14:28, closed)

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