Ask
I work in an environment where the management BS and business buzzwords flow fast and free like a drunkard's diarrhoea:

Going forward

Flex, as in "we need to flex our diaries."

Task and Finish Group

Barefoot workers

Basket of indicators

Regards (at the end of every fucking e-mail, even I do it, but I once typed 'retards' by mistake - no-one commented)

Employee engagement

Elephant traps

Single conversation

Knowledge management

Stretch targets

Key - as in key partners, key milestones, but sometimes used on its own, i.e. "understanding this issue is key."

Business Operating Model (i.e. downsizing i.e. job cuts)

Resource Allocation Model (i.e. downsizing i.e. job cuts)

Work-life balance - whoever invented this is a CUNT, whoever says it is also a CUNT, it's NOT 'work-life' it's 'life-work' because without the former there can be none of the latter.

And my current (least) fave:

Ask

As in "we need to scope out what the ask is here."

GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Dktr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:19, 7 replies)

please tell me you've made them up.
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:20, closed)

Downsizing
Milestones
BS

All very, very annoying phrases, I agree.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:24, closed)

heard most of them
but wtf is elephant trap all about...
(prostheses, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:40, closed)

Not made up
all true, sadly.

An elephant trap is an unforeseen problem - I think. For example, "we need to be careful preparing this briefing and watch out for elephant traps."
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 16:54, closed)

EES or Employee Engagement Survey
Only it's now called the Employee Excitement Survey.

I shit you not.
(karnuvap, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 20:23, closed)

Just remembered another
A staff training programme called "Immersion In Excellence".

It was inevatably and obviously but quite correctly referred to by all as "Immersion In Excrement."
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 11:42, closed)

re: knowledge management
This is something I work on and (in our company) it means making sure that the staff that talk to customers (via phone, or in shops) get the right information to do their jobs.

It's information delivery I suppose, but tweaked so the teams get the right info, as opposed to flooding them with every bastard thing the business people send out.

Not justifying, as it does sound wanky, but we do try to manage information sensibly.

Shit. I just replied sensibly on b3ta. Sorry!
( Strangey is present at, Sat 10 Apr 2010, 11:16, closed)