When
anyone who isn't a child calls their parents mummy and daddy.
(FootOfTim, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:12, 4 replies)

Grow a pair!
I hate it when my wife says this to me, undermining my sense of masculinity to manipulate me into doing things I don't want to do (usually for a good reason). And any attack on her appearance or femininity would result in a decade-long sulk. You women are full of guile and mischief!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 17:00, 6 replies)

knowwadimsayn?
so me and the brothers were hangin in the hood - knowwadimsayn? - and this punk bitch comes up and disrespects my homie - knowwadimsayn? - so i popped a cap in his skull - knowwadimsayn? - and then the po-leece showed up and slapped some cuffs on my ass - knowwadimsayn? - and dragged me down to county - knowwadimsayn? - but I got off cause i know some people who know some people - knowwadimsayn?

No - I don't have a fucking clue what you are talking about...
(tingtwatter Eating loads of red meat since, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:51, 4 replies)

Inbox
This one seems to be becoming "de rigeur" with people on Social networking sites...


Hi XYZ I'll inbox you later.....


Its email you cunts...The inbox is the recepticle that stores the said email!!
(frightfullybored, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:46, 7 replies)

TEFL
Why would anyone want to teach English on the floor laughing?
(Burt Burt, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:41, 3 replies)

I'm gonna go all multilingual on your asses...
The Japanese word for 'atmosphere' is 雰囲気, pronounced fun-iki, but for some reason Japanese youth pronounce it fu-inki, or more like fwinki, which is just irritating. Thankfully it's not a common word.

Now...a common word in Japan is when you walk into a shop and you're greeted by the shop staff by 'irashaimase', which is like a honorific way to say 'come in' or 'welcome' or that kind of gesture. Now, everyone who works in the shop will say this to you. Absolutely everyone. Even if you walk 2 metres down the wrong aisle and turn back again, they'll say it again less than 2 seconds later. It's not said in an upbeat or chirpy fashion, it's just droned out like they're forced to say it. After a month of that you just want to slap them, you really do. The only exception to this was one night I went to a 24 hour convenience shop to buy a sandwich, and the guy simply said 'konbanwa', or 'good evening'. The first and only time I've ever been greeted in such a way in a shop in Japan, and it sounded so much more genuine.
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:40, 4 replies)

1000th!
If you think this is sad...
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post500000
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:21, Reply)

One of my friends,
who we'll call Billy, never used to swear (and by swear, I mean 'crap' was too risqué). He also doesn't drink... so you know...one of 'them'.

He swears now, on occassion, but when we were younger he used to invent words to use in place of swear words which used to irritate the hell out of us. One of the worst ones was 'crubbish', the merging of 'crap' and 'rubbish'.

One time, Billy decided he didn't want to eat the apple in his lunchbox, so another friend took it and decided to see how far he could kick it. It ended up hitting a year 11, who picked it up and threw it back, yelling "REBOUND!". We all saw the returning apple and dodged, apart from dear Billy, who was sat on the floor munching away on a roll. The apple struck him smack on the forehead and he instantly curled up into the fetus position.

Looking back, there's nothing quite as funny as seeing a apple-juice-coated boy lying on the floor muttering, "crubbish, crubbish, crubbish!" under his breath.
( guffguff fuckes your gradeds balls!, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:17, Reply)

"last orders"
that one is always a dreadful shock to the system
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:10, 6 replies)

Mates tell me that they'll give me a bell later
I haven't received a single bell off of anyone the fucking liars.
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:10, Reply)

There are scores of words and phrases that occasionally rub me the wrong way when I hear them (people using 'random' and 'chill' as adjectives, people who say 'granted' when you disagree with them, people saying 'octopi' instead of 'octopodes'), but the one thing that completely eclipses all of those is hearing someone correct another person's grammar.

If you ever want to insure that you come off as maladjusted, antisocial, and generally confused, try correcting someone's grammar when they talk to you. It serves no purpose, and there are few things quite as irritating.
( the prick of misery pierced my foot on a spiiiike on, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:09, 4 replies)

I'll write you
Well that will be a short fucking letter then, only consisting of the word "you"

Unless you meant you'd write to me, you cuntmarlin.
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 16:04, 6 replies)

DJ
"I'm a DJ, look how many mp3's I've got"

OK, maybe if you're using Serato (a component to hook up real turntables to a laptop and play mp3's over a soundsystem but using them with real vinyl records, for those who don't know) you can say this at a bit of a push, but simply pressing start/stop on a program that automatically beatmatches songs together takes no skill whatsoever, let alone the jockeying of discs...
(Mr_Lew, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 15:47, 6 replies)

I think it's time we all made up some new terms to use.
It will help by giving those with high blood pressure and nothing else to worry about heart attacks.

To kick off, I suggest a combination of "Safe" and "Cool" being "Sool" or "Cafe", to be used as a sentence filler.

Perhaps also, "innit" and "yeah" so "innieah" or "y'innit" to be used in agreement.

Add your own in this thread.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 15:29, 3 replies)

Chillax
If someone tries to calm me by using the word 'chillax' it has completely the opposite effect, driving me even further into a tooth-spitting, tongue-chomping, face-tomatoing rage.

I am an offender though. At one point a crappy Nissan ad got into my head, and started saying 'spafe' all the time. I only managed to stop when the g/f threatened to leave.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 15:24, 1 reply)

Questioning your answers
A post below has reminded me of an irritating wanker I had the misfortune of being at uni with who would ask a question and then seem to question your response.

Many a conversation followed this format...

"Have you seen Matt?"
"Yeah, he went to the pub"
"Oh, he's gone to the pub has he?"


"Are you in uni tomorrow?"
"No, I've got the day off"
"Oh, you've got the day off have you?"


"What are you doing?"
"Punching you in the face"
"Oh, you're punching me in the face are you?"

etc...

It got to the stage were we'd contradict ourselves in an attempt to try and confuse him, so we'd end up with...

"Have you seen Matt?"
"Yeah, he went to the pub"
"Oh, he's gone to the pub has he?"
"No, he's in his room"
"..."

Twunt
(secretsquirrel, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 15:10, 4 replies)

Lyrics
The tide of popular usage has probably washed passed me to such an extent that most people will disagree with me, but as far as I'm concerned, a song has a lyric. It does not have lyrics. So, the next time you're acting as pop quiz master the phrasing for the lyric round should be along the lines of "From the lyric of which song do the following lines come?"
(Cave Duck, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 15:10, 2 replies)

Because I misread "ditransitive" in the post below...
People who use the word "disinterested" when they mean "uninterested" ought to be publicly flogged.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:51, 5 replies)

thrilling
does anyone still use this in anything except positive context? The same goes for exciting.

"I had a blowout earlier, clipped the kerb and rolled my car into a ditch. It was exciting."

"I was on the 44th floor of WTC tower 2 when the plane hit. I was thrilled."

Perfectly acceptable uses.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:44, 6 replies)

Treating verbs as ditransitive when they're not
"Can you check me a number?"

"Can you recommend me a hotel?"

No.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:40, 5 replies)

Almost exactly, as in its almost exactly 3 O/C....
Its either almost ,or its exactly,it cannot be both.

Grips my piss
( bane, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:40, 2 replies)

'Not three bad'...
doesn't make me want to reach for the pick-axe as much as 'Cheery-bye'.

But it's a fucking close-run thing...
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:33, Reply)

LOL!
Are you? Are you really LOL? No, you're not. You're not ROTFL either, are you? LMAO? No you didn't. You barely raised a half-arsed smirk and then carried on typing your inane, unpunctuated drivel.

Why don't you just FOAD?
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:32, 4 replies)

The worst phrase in the English language
There’s only one that actually causes a physical rage in me, and that’s “I hear what you say”. Has anyone ever been on the receiving end of this and thought “oh good, they can hear, that’s me placated”. It’s a fucking disgusting, lazy, rude shitbag of a phrase. At least a hand in the face an “Wha’eva” would be honest.

Just about all the others that have been moaned about are fine in my book, they’re all part of the evolution of language and ideas that come and go.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Page 3 'stunnas'...
Why are topless women always described as 'stunning'? They're never sexy, perky, pretty, hot, gorgeous, etc are they? No, they're always 'stunning'.
Man, this gets on my tits...
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:27, 1 reply)

Really........?
It can get annoying when people keep responding to statements by just saying “really…?” My flatmate does this all the time without noticing- it’s just a standard response for her which she doesn’t expect a reply.

Me: “I’m hungry”
Her: “Oh, really…?”
*end of conversation*

I have occasionally replied “Nah just felt like making it up” but it doesn’t go down too well…

I understand if people don’t feel like making a discussion out of it so I usually don’t mind, but there are plenty of other responses which don’t require a debate such as: “OK we’ll get some food in a bit”.
( awayfromthenumbers, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Sheer
Why, on traffic reports, is congestion always due to the SHEER weight of traffic? Why is it sheer? Why not just because there's a lot of traffic, or a large number of cars? Now I've told you that it'll drive you as mad as it does me - although not as mad as I get when I see TV reporters gesticulating wildly for no apparent reason... honestly I reckon a TV reporter's job description these days reads " Must have ridiculous accent or speech impediment and must have absolutely no control of hands - wild spasms an advantage".
( Prof. Piehead, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:20, 2 replies)

Being a musician
I find it annoying when I hear Happy Birthday being sung. When the third line is sung, the word birthday is supposed to jump an octave, but almost everybody doesn't, effectively transposing the tune down by maybe a perfect fourth or even a fifth depending on the singers.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:19, 9 replies)

Solutioning

Yes, I know it's in some dictionaries, but it's still not a fucking word. At a few of my contracts, any of my time that wasn't specifically charged to an individual contract, was described in my time sheet as "solutioning".

Think about it. What does that word make you think I was doing? Sitting in the Bat Cave dreaming up ways to take down the Joker?

Or fucking around on B3ta.

Solutioning my arse.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 14:07, Reply)

So...
When a person thinks ending a sentence with 'so' will suffice:

"Yeah, they died, but they weren't wearing a seatbelt, so...."

"I'll put the order on when I get it. It hasn't come through yet, so.."

"The shampoo I used on him made all his fur fall out. He looks really cute though, so..."

"I know I poked him in the eye, but he hid my pound coin in his foreskin, so..."

"She was wearing a short skirt the night she was attacked, so..."

It makes me angry.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Wed 14 Apr 2010, 13:54, 7 replies)