I'm an electrician by trade...
...and have been called out to many houses where the people inside have been 'electrocuted' and lived.

It's the 'cuted' bit that kills you... if you lived through the experience, it's just an electric shock.

Are we clear now?

Thanks for listening.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 21:50, 16 replies)

I don't believe you.
Not about the 'electrocuted' bit. But the bit where you say you are an electrician.

Why?

Because this QOTW is less than 24 hours old, so whilst they might have paid you a bit extra for posting an answer 'out of hours' there is no way whatsoever you'd be here that quickly.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 21:58, closed)

Of course I'm early...
I left another job to come and look at the b3ta site, weigh it up and possibly make a start tomorrow? I was going to post a message in the morning, say, 2pm? I'll be here. I promise.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:12, closed)

Well as long as you've stroked your chin
and tutted a few times, the job is yours.

See you after you've had your full english from a caff/tomorrow/when you can be arsed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:21, closed)

Hang on, I'm on the phone...
We'll have to make it Saturday, as the van's broken down. I'm out on the piss with the lads tomorrow night, so I'll be in a really cheery mood and, to be honest, you'll get a much better job done. 2pm still okay? I could make it for 5.30am, but make sure you have the kettle on! Oh, and use those nice tea bags I saw in your cupboard, not those you have out. Do you have bog roll?
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:29, closed)

honestly, mate, I've left loads of replies before this one. Your internets must be off.
Anyway, what I said in my third reply was that I couldn't make it on Saturday as I promised to drive my grandma to her funeral, so it'll be Monday now. That's now changed as I've re-arranged the funeral for Wednesday to fit you in. It should cost you more than this, but it's what she would have wanted. So I should see you, all being well, if nothing goes wrong, on Monday-ish. Don't go changing on me now - if you let me down I'll have to charge.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:27, closed)

[two week silence]
Not even a state-of-the-art Russian nyoocyoolar submarine could hear me right now. I'm nowhere to be fucking seen. What a liberty. I ask you.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:30, closed)

Your internets off.
Sorry. I wrote on the wrong page. I thought we're coming this Saturday, not two weeks ago. My mistake.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:31, closed)

Well I've tried you fourteen times now. Fuck you, I'm suing. You can't order works and then not be around when I come to do them. I'm not coming back now, you had your chance. Unless it's convenient next Thursday when I can fit you in.

(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:48, closed)

Brilliant!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 10:41, closed)

City Electrical Factors
have been on the phone, they are out of stock anyway. They are the only distributors and won't have delivery until end of the month. (The month after you come back from your summer holiday)
(Rsoles, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 17:46, closed)

This wouldn't have happened if you'd just listened to me
I could have fitted some that we removed from the last job - they'll polish right up and I would only have charged you twenny kwid for the lot, but no, you have to insist on new. Well, if I have to come back to fit the new ones then I'll have to charge you extra as I could have finished the job if you'd listened to my common sense.
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 21:17, closed)

'by trade'

always makes me giggle...

Sorry.
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:03, closed)

when I say 'by trade' what I should have said was 'I'm an electrician in RETURN FOR soft hands and a nice outlook on life". Sorry, my bad.

(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 23:55, closed)

I thought cuted
meant made fluffy and cuddly?
( Greenbat, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:12, closed)

Exactly.
Have you seen a person's hair after an electric shock?
(downhill without brakes . It was the worst day of my life, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 22:13, closed)

it's a belt.
or even a right belt.
( parttimedogfish is a Born-Again Reincarnationist, Mon 12 Apr 2010, 9:28, closed)