"Clever" responses to polite questions
I was just reading some of the earlier QOTW when I read someone's response to "I hate myself for using the phrase "Could I get..." in shops instead of "Could I have..." or "I would like..."" where some bright spark had replied:

"Whenever people say this to me I reply 'maybe' and then just stare at them as they haven't actually requested anything other than confirmation of a possibility."

What a cock. "Could I have..." could equally meet a smug response of "Maybe", "You could", "That depends if you have the money", etc.

Maybe "Go now shop wench and fetch me..." would be more to you liking?

Sarcastic responses to someone who's basically being polite annoy me. Of course, if someone is being a cunt to you then by all means show your utter contempt for them, but it is not their fault that you didn't work harder at school/hate your job/have the customer service skills of a baboon.

To a lesser extent twats who say things like "Standing here talking to you" when you've asked what they are up to. Fine, you can now stand there talking to nobody you social-retard, that's it think up more lame slights.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:48, 3 replies)

"Excuse me - do you know the correct time?"

"Yes I do!"

HahahahahaDEATH
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 13:50, closed)

Too true
I bet Steve Jobs or the Conductor of the London Philhamonic don't sit around thinking up caustic replies to perfectly innocious and polite enquiries, but then they've worked hard to get where they are and probably like their jobs. These bitter individuals probably think they're coming out with some razor sharp banter that would grace the scripts of Blackadder when in fact they're sad losers. Rant over....Phew!
(Moominator missing the good stuff cos' the swear filter is on, Fri 9 Apr 2010, 14:29, closed)

Okay
Point taken, smugness wasn't the aim, it was the irritation at the persistent misuse of basic sentence structure that seems to be forcing a wholly unnecessary change in the language. Aren't petty irritations pretty much the basis of 95% of the rest of the posts on here?
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Fri 9 Apr 2010, 20:22, closed)