"I'd like to keep this short"
Too late -- it means they've already dragged out a speech with something pointless.

I worked at a newspaper where people got awards for being there 5, 15, 20 years and so on. The recipients always received the recognition in front of everyone and made some half-hearted speech, usually recalling a first day or turning point in their career.

I didn't make it to the five-year point (or much past a year), but I had this fantasy where they'd say how long I'd been there and introduce me. I'd step up to the podium, accept the token certificate and say, "Thanks everyone. I'd like to keep this short" -- then shut up and sit down.

Some public speaking tips:

"At this point in time" = "now"
"Without further ado" = just shut up then
"A man/woman who needs no introduction" = just shut up then
"Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking" = seriously, just shut up
"It gives me great pleasure" = unless we're talking about sex, not really
"This reminds me of a funny story" = a shame you don't know how to tell it

When public speaking, know your point, get to it immediately and state it directly.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Sun 11 Apr 2010, 17:15, Reply)