Evesham Technology
I spent eight months working as a tech support phone monkey for Evesham Technology and having sat through the pitiful induction we were told we would be set a target of 40 calls a day. Having some rudimentary grasp of math I soon worked out this was an average of 11 mins 30 seconds per call. This all works fine when someone sounding like a retired army major calls up... "Err hello, bought this computer from your shop in Bournemouth and we've just got back from holiday and can't work out how to turn it on". I take the serial number and look up the system and sure enough its a case with a big shiny silver switch right in the middle of the fucking front. "See the big silver circle in the middle of the case..."
"Ahh yes thats the blighter, goodbye"...

I remember regularly getting a bollocking for only answering 20-25 calls a day, mainly because I was actually fixing problems. Not fobbing someone off with dropping to the command line and running chkdsk and then saying "this is going to take about (insert suitably long time here), call back when it's finished". But when Cunty Tom is being held as a bastion of productivity for doing 50 calls a day what can you do.

Well you can say "Fuck it" and have a nice chat with a lady whilst her machine is running a 45 minute defrag, only to find out later when you're taken aside and told that you were "taking the piss" that they were auditing calls that day.

During one of our favoured options of going for the "Format reload" to resolve difficult or insurmountable problems we regularly got asked what the "kernel debugger" was. But one woman spotted this item installing and noted "I've never been debuggered, but I've been buggered a few times"...

Wasn't a bad place to work really, the usual cunty practices like having "Tea Break" passes and not being allowed to have a break unless you had a 'pass'. Except when the call queues were busy mysteriously all the passes were 'out' and nobody got a break.

Also having the worst customer database system called FRANK which crashed on a daily basis greeted by cries of "FRANKS gone down again... dirty bastard", the head office being built on swamp land and every summer being infested by swarms of thunderbugs and having the phones on UPS but *not* the computers. So when the power goes you have to answer calls but don't have the luxury of knowing who the customer is or what computer the customer actually owns...

Ironically despite my taking the piss they offered me a new contract which I told them to stuff...
(Trojan Hussar blowing fag ash into your PSU since, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 0:44, 4 replies)

Erm, why the shuddering fuck would you or your customers have anything to do with a kernel debugger?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sat 5 Sep 2009, 3:33, closed)

Well, if you're in decent tech support it's occasionally useful
Post mortem process and BSOD dumps can be analysed.

Would have thought that's pretty unlikely for Evesham, though..
(syllopsium, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:09, closed)

what is a psu

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Sat 5 Sep 2009, 22:04, closed)

micros
you were lucky you never had to work with the forerunner to frank the vale database is all I'll say! sounds like you were. there the same time as the sherminator
(Titanix, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 22:24, closed)