the system
I didn’t bother learning to drive till I was 26. I had a Vauxhall Nova for the first year or so after I passed my test until it was pointed out to me that at my age I could probably get something with a bit more poke and not have to sell one of my kidneys to afford the insurance.

So I bought a bright red MK11 Toyota MR2, some say ‘girls car’ some say it’s 'a bit wanky' but as far as I was concerned it was great fun. Decent amount of power, rear wheel drive mid-engined two seater. Cool.

The insurance however was not as hassle free as I had hoped. I called a number of companies and was getting well pissed off after a while. One company took absolutely ages taking all manner of pedantic details only to drop my call after placing me on hold. A complete bloody waste of my time.

So I called them back.

“Hello RipOff BloodyRacket Insurance, Vapid Bint speaking how can I help you?”
“Yeah I’d like a quote please”
“Certainly can you tell me the make and model sir”
“Toyota MR2”
“Engine capacity sir”
“2 litre”
“Is that a two door sir?”
“Erm no, it’s got four”
“Sorry sir our system tells me that is a two door car sir”

(Why they bother asking you these questions when they already have the bloody details in ‘the system’ was one of the things that had been bugging me)

“No, it’s got four doors”
“And it’s definitely a Toyota MR2 sir? Are you sure it’s not a Celica”
“It’s an MR2 it’s got 4 doors. Anyway a Celica is a girl’s car”
“My husband drives a Celica sir”
“Is he a girl?”
“Sorry sir”
“Your husband – is he a girl?”
“Certainly not”
“Well he drives a girl’s car, anyway its definitely got four doors – my door, the other door, the boot door and the glove box door”

Silence…

“…erm we would regard that as a two door car sir”
“Fair enough, so do I get a discount for having less doors?”
“No, I doesn’t work that way. Have you made any modifications to the vehicle sir?”
“Yeah I put new mats in it”
“That’s not really a modification is it sir”
“Yes it is. The other ones were crap, they kept catching on my shoes”
“(sigh) have you made any modifications to the engine, exhaust, wheels or suspension sir?”
“Nope”
“Ok sir so...”
“Hang on, there’s that thing in the middle bit”
“The middle bit sir?”
“Yeah you know between the seats – next to the stick thing that’s not the gears”
“You mean the handbrake sir”
“Whatever”
“Can you describe the modification please sir”
“Well it’s got these lights on it”
“Yes sir…”
“And some dials”
“What’s it called sir?”
“It’s a flux capacitor”
“Can you spell that please?
“Sure – f l u x c a p a c i t o r”
“Sorry sir I’m not getting that on my system is it an in car entertainment device”
“Not really”
“What does it actually do sir?”
“It creates a temporary disruption in the space time continuum by exerting quantum effects on semi classical gravity thus subverting the chronological protection conjecture to permit non linear motion through time”
“Sorry”
“It’s a time machine”
CLICK…..
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 18:49, 8 replies)

brilliant.

(the_riviera_kid , anyone fancy making me a brew?, Sat 5 Sep 2009, 20:36, closed)

this is actually a retro fit...
i installed it a good bit prior to taking delivery...



( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 15:12, closed)

I just wore my finger to the bone doing this:
Click click click click CLICK.
(TheHBoxster is probably playing Beatles Rock Band on, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 11:59, closed)

Mk 11 MR2?
Oh, of course, it's from the future. Never mind.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Sun 6 Sep 2009, 12:32, closed)

LOLsome
*click*
( chart cat has an itch, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 4:57, closed)

F***** ACE
I just spat my coffee on my nice tft (at work).

Top marks. I don't need insurance at the moment but i might give them a call anyway, it's usually free.

I might answer the questions on a Matchbox car as well.

Have you modified the exhaust sir?

Hold on I will have a look, F*** !

Sir ?!

I have dropped my car in my cofee...

(anyway, have a click)
(amsterdam_neild, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 12:39, closed)

Brilliant!
Nicely done, have a click from me sir.

*clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 7 Sep 2009, 13:50, closed)

Girls cars?
Rubbish, the Mark 2 MR2 was a bloody fantastic car!

Girls should be allowed nowhere near one.
(dchurch bah, Mon 7 Sep 2009, 15:25, closed)