Not the brightest bulb
I ordered some bulbs for my mother as a birthday present, and made the mistake of getting them from the Telegraph gardening offers.
I was told to allow 28 days for delivery, so was a bit annoyed that they took 6 weeks to arrive, but never mind - just change the label on the box, and post it up to mum so it gets there by tomorrow.

Except that as I picked up the box to take it to the post office, I noticed it was dripping. Now, as most gardeners, in fact, most people, know - hyacinth and crocus bulbs are solid, not liquid. Dripping is not a charateristic I associate with either plant, to be honest. So, I opened the box, and found that 2 of the hyacinth bulbs were rotting to the point where one was actually liquified. I thought I should call the customer services folk, and see what they said.

Customer services woman "All right"
Me (bit taken aback by her greeting) "um, is this the Telegraph gardening customer services?"
CSW "yeah. what is it?"
Me "well, I ordered some bulbs from you, and they are rotten"
CSW "no you didn't"
Me "what do you mean I didn't?"
CSW (deep sigh) "what's your name then"
Me "vitamin C. order number 123456"
CSW "yeah, there's nothing wrong with your bulbs"
Me "yes there is. 2 of the 10 hyacinth bulbs you sent me have rotted"
CSW "no they haven't. You didn't order them from us"
Me "yes they have, and I did order them from you, so what sort of customer support can I expect on this matter?"
CSW "you'll have to call the newspaper direct, we only deal with crocus bulbs"
Me "may I speak with your manager please?"
CSW "OK, why don't you plant the bulbs, then call us if they don't grow?"

She then hung up on me.

Now, I know it's a petty problem, but what the fuck kind of training did she get, if she thought that was how to deal with a customer?!

(Incidentally, I did eventually get through to a manager following a further call, who offered me a refund for 2 bulbs, and suggested I plant them anyway and see what happens. I ended up getting a full refund for all 10 bulbs in the pack. thrilling conclusion, I know.)
( ascorbate, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:23, 6 replies)

I love this
it's a good way to annoy people/make them go away I suppose.
I especially liked the blatant lying
"I ordered something from you"
"no you didn't"
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:30, closed)

Jedi mind trick
Via the phone...

:)
( snee held his breath since, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 12:02, closed)

Sounds like
a pretty ridiculous farce- reminds me of the monty python parrot sketch!
(xerophytic has no idea, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:39, closed)

Or the sketch
where the guy comes into an office and says "Is this the room for an argument? I'm looking for an argument."

and John Cleese looks up and says "I've told you once already."

"No you didn't!"

etc.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 9 Sep 2009, 11:43, closed)

yes
and if I wasn't so heavily pregnant, and thus HUGELY irritable, I might have found it funny. Instead, I logged a complaint. And scared my fiance, who overheard me being incredibly chilly to the manager on the phone, until she complied with my wishes. He now says I clearly have a heart made of ice, and he will never cross me :)
( ascorbate, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 12:03, closed)

let him know his place ;-)

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Wed 9 Sep 2009, 12:42, closed)