i didn't actually see it myself, but i feel as if i did...
my brother has a friend who considers himself a bit of an old school gent. you know the type of chap - when you hear stories, he sounds like a total bellsniffer, but when you actually know him, he's an incredibly decent guy. this one has a real way with words, but only thinks he has a real way with women. let's call him rupert, for that is what he sounds like.

so last summer they were all in puerto banus on a mate's stag do. everyone had a few beers round the pool, but rupert had also knocked back an enormous number of large glasses of rioja and quite a lot of vodka (they later found 2 receipts for 800 euros for bottles of "absolut" in his pocket. history does not relate whether he bought them or got scammed). the afternoon's pleasant sunbathing was interrupted by a gigantic SPLASH as a fully dressed rupert plunged into the pool and swam over to try and charm a gang of girls who were sunbathing on the other side of it.

eventually my brother and 2 of their friends had to drag rupert away and back to their hotel room. by this point he was complaining about his stomach and letting off trouser trumpets like a brass band. they got him into the bathroom and deposited him on the toilet. he swayed dangerously and let rip with a volley of disgusting farts, and then suddenly sat bolt upright.

"get out of here, you perverts!!" he thundered. needless to say, they were happy to comply. they were just about to head back to the pool, when there was a godalmighty crash from the bathroom. then rupert's voice came out from under the door. this time it was much less thundery.

"jimmy?" he quavered. "jimmy, i'm hurt!"

when they rushed back in, they saw that he had fallen off the toilet, head first into the bath. bent over it like a great big ugly pyramid. with a chocolate point at the peak.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 16:47, 11 replies)

chocolate point, this is another reference to pooplops.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 17 Feb 2015, 8:24, closed)

This story isn't up to your usual standard.
Try to do better in the future.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 17 Feb 2015, 15:00, closed)

Is this a very long-winded way
of reminding us all that you're wealthy and have comparably weathly friends and family? You know, just in case we forgot in the time since your last post?
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Tue 17 Feb 2015, 16:39, closed)

haha, lower class povvo bitterness here

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 7:54, closed)

I KNOW.
Sad, isn't it?

Amazing that it took over 12 hours for someone to ride to poor little rich girl's defence, though. I thought you were all in awe of her.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 9:08, closed)

you seem upset that someone has more money than you.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 9:15, closed)

wow, have you been F5'ing all night?
lucky you have strong wrists
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 9:16, closed)

Ummmmm...
No. See the timestamp? That means I can see when things were posted without having to F5. I'd've thought a legal genius like you should have been able to figure that much out.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 13:03, closed)

simmer down pov
just because it took you a while to think of and then head-dobber a reply after F5'ing all night
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 13:51, closed)

Oy! Rich bints is meant to be benevolent to the hoi poloi.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 18 Feb 2015, 14:02, closed)

i'll chuck some baked beans on the floor for him

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 18 Feb 2015, 14:18, closed)